


SOVEREIGNTY-ASSOCIATIONIST GIRL NANAMI

by alanharnum



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 15:08:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13169493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alanharnum/pseuds/alanharnum
Summary: Co-written with Paul Corrigan. This one should really be allowed to speak for itself, although I will say there are plentiful spoilers in it for both the movie and the TV series. Much easier to understand if you're Canadian, or, like Paul, from Michigan, which is practically Canada anyway.





	SOVEREIGNTY-ASSOCIATIONIST GIRL NANAMI

Just in time for Canada Day, it's a tasteful and patriotic tribute to  
one of the pressing national issues facing Canada today. No, wait,  
that's something else.

As far as spoilers go, this takes place between episodes 21 and 22 of  
the television series. There are mild spoiler references to the  
movie, and some jokes rely upon knowledge of the movie and the full  
television series.

This copy of the story is from my Archive of Our Own page at http://archiveofourown.org/users/alanharnum/pseuds/alanharnum.

* * *

Once upon a time, mes enfants, there was a little princess, and she  
was very sad, because her father's kingdom had fallen to his enemies,  
and many other children had come to the kingdom who did not speak her  
language, and who laughed at and teased her because she could not  
speak theirs.

One day there came a prince from the east. He spoke to her in her own  
language, saying, "Fear not, my child, for one day this land will be  
free once more. Take this ring in memory of me," he went on, and gave  
her a ring with a white lily flower crest carved in blue stone.

It is possible that the ring was an engagement ring.

Which was all very well, except that the little princess was so taken  
by the prince that she decided to get back at the other children, not  
by making her father's kingdom free once more, but by making it  
French!

But was that such a good idea, mes enfants?

SOVEREIGNTY-ASSOCIATIONIST GIRL NANAMI

OR

POUTINE-NARU HIGH TRIP

A "Blame Tobuko Lamer" Production

by

Alan Harnum and Paul Corrigan

_Shoujo Kakumei Utena_ concept devised by BePAPAS

Sovereignty-association concept devised but never really defined by  
le Parti qu�b�cois

[Touga's Room of Moping (see the Black Rose arc). The "Largo" from  
Dvorak's Ninth Symphony is still playing--Touga has apparently been  
so traumatized by actually being foiled by somebody that he can't  
even make the effort to change the record on his gramophone. Close-up  
shots of the gramophone, Touga's brooding face, the windows. Move out  
to the hallway beyond, where Nanami is watching through the cracked  
door with concern on her face.]

Nanami [thought]: Oniisama is still brooding, even after that nice  
party I threw for him, and having that sword pulled out of him by  
Keiko. And we still don't know who those mysterious Black Roses are.  
If only there were some way to get my brother back to normal...  
something I could do to make him feel better... so he'd come back,  
and take over the Council again... and I could stop doing all that  
paperwork...

[Cut back to Touga. His lips move, slowly.]

Touga: Pou...

[Nanami starts.]

Nanami [thought]: Oniisama... spoke?

Touga: ...tine.

Nanami [thought]: Pou...tine? What... of course! I remember now!

[A spinning yellow rose (to indicate a Nanami flashback) appears.  
Unfortunately, it's far too large and fills the entire screen, so  
that only flickering bits of colour can be occasionally seen at  
the edges as it spins.]

Nanami [VO]: Five years ago... when we went on our family vacation  
to Montreal, Canada... what incredible sights! The Biosphere...  
the Olympic Stadium... the Botanical Gardens... the Old Port...

[As Nanami speaks, the tiny bits of the screen not covered by the  
spinning rose change colour. We're probably missing some lovely  
scenery.]

Nanami [VO]: ...and the poutine! Oh, Big Brother loved that poutine  
he had so very much...

Young Touga [VO]: Cheese curds! And gravy--on french fries! Why...  
these Quebecois are culinary geniuses!

Young Nanami [VO]: Oniisama, let me try some!

Mr. Kiryuu [VO]: Touga, Nanami--that poutine is terribly fattening,  
and bad for your heart. Throw it away immediately! I forbid you to  
eat poutine ever again!

Young Touga [VO]: But, Father--

Young Nanami [VO]: Papa...

Mr. Kiryuu [VO]: Stop arguing! Or would you rather go and live with  
your father from the movie?

[The spinning rose disappears, to reveal Nanami in the library of the  
Kiryuu manor, sitting at a table and rapidly flipping through a  
stack of dusty books.]

Nanami [soft voice]: Oniisama and I never ate poutine again... I'd  
forgotten all about that, until now. If oniisama had some poutine...

[Nanami's eyes widen and shimmer as she lapses into fantasy. The  
scene fades to Touga's Room of Moping, seen through a diffuse lens to  
indicate the imaginary nature of it. The "Largo" is still playing.]

Touga [brooding]: ...

[Suddenly, the door opens, and Nanami rushes in carrying a steaming  
dish of poutine, with a silver fork delicately stuck into it.]

Nanami: Oniisama!

[Touga looks up. He sniffs the air, inhaling the enticing odour of  
the poutine. His eyes widen.]

Touga: Pou...tine.

[He rises from the chair and spreads his arms wide.]

Touga: Nanami!

Nanami [flying through the air, poutine held carefully in her hands]:  
Oniiiiiiiiisaaaaaamaaa!

[Touga catches Nanami in a gentle embrace. The poutine lies between  
them, wafting steam fragrantly into the air. Nanami raises a single  
french fry, covered in melted cheese curds and gravy, to Touga's  
lips. Touga's eyes sparkle. Nanami's eyes sparkle. The "Largo"  
abruptly changes to the "Overture" from Offenbach's "Ga�t�  
Parissienne". Touga eats the poutine.]

Nanami [quaveringly]: How is it, oniisama?

Touga: Nanami... [he clasps her fork-holding hand in one of his] It  
is perfect. That was just what I needed. And now...

[A rapid series of still shots. Nanami and Touga eat poutine at the  
dinner table. Nanami and Touga eat poutine at a table at a seaside  
cafe. Nanami and Touga eat poutine on Ohtori's lawn, underneath a  
shady tree. Nanami and Touga eat poutine in Ohtori's greenhouse,  
while Utena and Anthy stand outside in the pouring rain and watch  
hungrily through the windows. Cut back to reality, with Nanami  
standing up on the library table and clutching several books to her  
chest.]

Nanami: That's just how it will be! [laughs gleefully] But...  
[Suddenly collapses to her knees on the table, dropping the books,  
with tears streaming down her face] Not one book in the Kiryuu  
library has a recipe for poutine!

[Fade out, and fade in to...]

[...a gravy and cheese curd soaked french fry. A drop of gravy falls  
off. Cut to the drop falling onto Chu-Chu (much to his annoyance),  
who was munching on a cracker in the lap of the person holding the  
fry, namely:]

Utena: Poutine?

[Utena and Anthy are sitting under a random tree at Ohtori, where  
Utena, Anthy and Wakaba are having lunch. Anthy has brought her  
beautiful lacquered lunch box, full of gravy-soaked French fries  
covered in melted cheese curds.]

Anthy [all smiles as always]: Yes. I thought it might be fun to try  
something different.

Wakaba [peering at the fry suspiciously]: That's gotta be bad for  
you. [glomps onto Utena] Utena darling, you can't eat that! It'll  
ruin your figure!

Utena [ironically]: Let me guess, you prepared me a beautiful  
Japanese lunch and I gotta eat it or you'll just die, right?

Wakaba [surprised]: How'd you know?

Anthy [suddenly concerned]: Oh, I'm sorry! Should I have made  
takoyaki instead?

Utena [laughs nervously]: Heheh...uh, no, that's okay, Anthy...long  
as it ain't shaved ice, I'm happy...

Anthy [titters]: My, Miss Utena, don't be silly! If I had made shaved  
ice it would have melted by now!

Utena: Yeah, that's probably the only reason knowing you... [She  
opens her mouth to eat, but suddenly the fry is snatched from her]  
Huh?

Wakaba [giving Anthy a _really_ suspicious look, and waving the fry  
in her face]: Wait a sec. You sure this is safe?

Anthy: Oh?

Wakaba: Yeah. It's not going to explode and make Utena switch bodies  
with Chu-Chu or somethin' is it?

Anthy [beaming again, only a little too broadly now]: You have  
absolutely nothing to worry about. [beat] I think.

[Wakaba flings the fry away like it was a poisonous snake and throws  
herself onto Utena.]

Wakaba [in tears]: Utena! Don't eat it, I'm telling you! You'll die!

Utena [defeated]: Okay, Wakaba, I will eat your lunch...

Wakaba [jumping up for joy]: YAY!

Anthy: I see...

Utena: Just don't jump on me like that a...huh?

[Anthy has just stood up; she is clutching the lunch box crammed with  
poutine to her chest, looking a tad disappointed.]

Anthy: Very well, Miss Utena. As you wish. You are not obliged to eat  
it. [sighs] Though there's far too much for me to eat myself. A  
terrible waste really.

Wakaba [totally unsympathetic]: So get Chu-Chu to help. [opening her  
lunch box and picking up rice with chopsticks to feed Utena with]  
Utena darling, say "ah!"

[Chu-Chu hasn't waited for permission, and is already attacking the  
poutine like a starving man. He looks up at his mistress with a  
concerned air, his mouth all gravy and cheese curds.]

Chu-Chu: Chu?

Utena: Anthy, don't start, all right? Nobody said I wouldn't eat it.  
Besides, you went to all the trouble of...

Anthy: No, it's all right. It was no trouble at all. [sighs again] I  
don't blame you for being apprehensive about eating my cooking, after  
all the trouble I caused with the curry. Do you, Chu-Chu?

[Chu-Chu makes small chus of consolation. Anthy smiles endearingly,  
and strokes his head.]

Anthy: I'm glad you think so. Thank you. You're a good friend, Chu-  
Chu.

Utena [stage whisper, to Wakaba]: Wakaba, apologize!

Wakaba [turning up her nose in disdain]: I refuse to apologize for  
protecting my boyfriend.

Utena: I am NOT your boyfriend!

Anthy: I am afraid I must be off. Miss Utena, enjoy your lunch. What  
_am_ I going to do with all this, I wonder...

[She turns to go, only to find behind her...]

Miki: Himemiya! That looks delicious! What is it?

Anthy [all smiles again]: Ah, Miki, what a pleasant surprise! This is  
called poutine. It's French fries with gravy and cheese curds. Would  
you like some? Have as much as you like. Miss Utena won't be having  
any.

Utena: HEY! That's my lunch!

Wakaba [horrified]: Miki, no!

[Miki takes the lunch box and digs in, a beatific smile on his face.]

Miki: It's delicious! The taste of potato, gravy and cheese combined  
in ideal proportions so as to transport a diner to paradise!

[He munches some more, as Anthy looks on endearingly. A few moments  
pass.]

Utena [gives Miki a dirty look]: Kissup.

Wakaba [finally]: Oh. Guess it was harmless after all.

Miki [eyes glittering shoujo manga style]: Himemiya, may I please  
have the recipe? I'd love to eat your poutine every day...!

Wakaba [to herself]: I dunno, sounds pretty perverse to me...[takes a  
sip of tea]

Anthy: If Miss Utena says it's all right...

Utena [flippantly]: Hey, I don't mind, as long as you save some for  
me...

[Wakaba spits out the tea very loudly, starts to laugh  
uncontrollably.]

Utena [irritated]: Now what?

Anthy [inspecting the poutine supply]: Hm. I really did make far too  
much. Miki, do you think Miss Arisugawa would like some of Utena's  
poutine as well?

Miki [completely missing the joke]: Oh yes, definitely!

[Wakaba is now rolling on the ground like a madwoman, gasping for  
air.]

Miki [confused]: What did I say?

[Meanwhile Nanami is sitting under another tree, being ceremoniously  
served lunch by Tsuwabuki while reading Natalie Savage Carlson's _The  
Talking Cat and Other Stories of French Canada_. Some joker has  
affixed a sticker of Luna from _Sailor Moon_ on the cover.]

Nanami [a bit concerned]: Nothing in here either...

Tsuwabuki: Your lunch, Miss Nanami. After lunch is English with Mr.  
Onsen-Mark...

Nanami: Tsuwabuki!

Tsuwabuki [snapping to attention]: Yes, Miss Nanami!

Nanami: Do you know how to make poutine?

Tsuwabuki: Um...no, Miss Nanami, why?

Nanami: Oh. Well, do you know who might?

Tsuwabuki: Um...no. Sorry. I don't even know what poutine is. [throws  
himself at her feet] Miss Nanami, I've failed you! Don't hate me,  
please!

Nanami [smiles tenderly, strokes his hair]: Oh, Tsuwabuki, it's all  
right. I only hate people for good reasons.

Tsuwabuki [tears of joy]: Oh, thank you, Miss Nanami!

Nanami: Oh yes, while we're on the subject, did you ever get rid of  
that Marie girl?

Tsuwabuki [sweatdropping]: Um...so what sort of a dish is it anyway?

Nanami: Hm...to my best recollection it was fries with gravy and  
cheese curds. It's a Quebecois dish.

Tsuwabuki: A what dish?

Nanami: A dish from Quebec. In Canada.

Tsuwabuki: Oh.

[He sits and thinks in dramatic anime fashion. Suddenly a flash of  
inspiration.]

Tsuwabuki: Oh! Wait! Marie's mom is from Quebec City! She has a big  
blue and white flag hanging up in her room in the dorm...[covers his  
mouth] Oops!

Nanami: Superb! I'll ask...

[She stops herself, and suddenly grabs Tsuwabuki by the shoulders.  
She picks him up and begins to shake him, her face a fearsome mask of  
rage.]

Nanami [in a terrifying voice]: And what [shake] pray tell [shake]  
were you doing [shake] _there_?

Tsuwabuki [suitably terrified]: Oh feathers! I'm sorry, Miss Nanami!  
Don't kill me!

[Wakaba, who chooses that moment to burst out laughing so hard she  
can be heard loud and clear from Nanami's tree, probably saves  
Tsuwabuki's life.]

Utena [off, from her side of the lawn]: What the hell is with you  
today, huh?

Wakaba [off; stopping her laughter momentarily]: ...Julie Arisugawa  
eating Utena's poutine... [cracks up again] HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Nanami's ears perk up almost visibly.]

Nanami: Poutine?

[She dumps Tsuwabuki on the ground unceremoniously and gives him one  
last glare.]

Nanami: I'll deal with you later. [clasps her hands together, sparkly  
eyes; dramatic little girl's voice] Oniisama, your little sister is  
coming to save you!

[Exit, skipping merrily. Tsuwabuki looks on stunned.]

Tsuwabuki: ...

[On Team Utena's side of the lawn...]

Miki [still confused]: No, really, what did I say that was so funny?

Anthy [deadpan]: I don't know. Perhaps Miss Arisugawa might know...

Utena [suddenly catching on]: Wait! NO! Don't ask her! I mean it!

[Nanami wraps her arms around Miki from behind. Miki promptly goes  
red. Wakaba, who is still laughing like a hyena, doesn't even  
notice.]

Nanami [sweetly]: Hello, Miki!

Anthy [alarmed]: Oh my! Wakaba's turning blue!

Utena [disgusted]: And what do _you_ want?

Nanami [sweetly]: Nice to see you too, Tenjou. Miki, is she bothering  
you?

[Wakaba finally runs out of air; she stops laughing, and recovers  
enough to start composing herself.]

Miki: No, I...

Nanami: Anyway, given what a huge noise you were making over here I  
couldn't help but overhear something about Utena's poutine...

[Wakaba goes off again.]

Utena [firmly]: Anthy made me some for lunch. That's _all_. [to  
Wakaba] Cut that out!

[Nanami looks confused for a moment, then lets go of Miki, covers her  
mouth and laughs piercingly like Kodachi Kuno.]

Nanami: OHOHOHOHO! As if I cared about what you get up to with Julie  
Arisugawa, though it wouldn't surprise me at all.

Miki: Nanami, what's all this about...?

Nanami [blushing, tittering in fake embarrassment]: Oh, I'd rather  
not say. Ask your sister. She knows _everything_ about that sort of  
thing...!

Miki [sweatdrops]: Um...

Nanami: Anyway, I was curious because I actually knew what poutine  
was--not being as ignorant as you, of course--because I'd had some  
when I went to Montreal as a child and it had been so long since I'd  
had any...

Anthy [politely]: Would you like some poutine?

Nanami [overjoyed]: Really? You're serious? After all the horrible  
things I've done to you in the past? [clasps Anthy's hands] Oh dear  
God, you've no idea how much this means to me!

Utena [confused]: ...'k...

Nanami: I can really have some?

Anthy: If Miss Utena says it's all right...

Utena [throws up her hands]: Fine. Don't leave any for me, see if I  
care...

[Wakaba suddenly stops laughing and stands up.]

Wakaba [firmly]: That's right! My lunch is much better than that muck  
anyway!

Nanami [cheerfully]: Well, if you say so, I'll take it all!

[She grabs the lunch box with the poutine and runs off. The others  
stare after her, except for Anthy, who smiles and waves.]

Anthy [calling after Nanami]: See you later! Don't forget to return  
the lunch box!

Wakaba: ...

Utena: Um. Miki, you know Nanami better than I do. What just  
happened?

Miki: I really don't know.

Anthy: Miki?

Miki: Um...yes, Himemiya, what can I do for you?

Anthy: Would you lend me your stopwatch for a moment?

Miki: Of...of course! I'd be honored!

Utena [disgusted]: I think I'm gonna hurl.

Wakaba [concerned]: Oh. You don't want the rest of your lunch, then?

[Nanami runs like the wind towards the school gates and the Kiryuu  
house, jumping over bushes and shrubs as she goes. On the way she  
runs into Kozue and her latest beau as they make out behind a bush  
she jumps over...]

Beau: AAAAAA!!!!

Kozue: SHIT! Can't a girl get some privacy around here!?

Nanami: Sorry!

[...as well as straight into the three stooges, who lie in wait on  
the path to the main gate the gate armed with bouquets...]

Suzuki: o/` Je t'aime...

Yamada: o/` Je t'aime...

Tanaka: o/` Je t'aime...

[*POW*]

Nanami: Sorry!

[...and while running through Houou's streets leaps over Akio  
Ohtori's car as he attempts to drive back to work after lunch,  
surprising him so much he loses control and hits a fire hydrant,  
which promptly bursts.]

Akio: [staring helplessly as his wrecked car fills with water] Oh my  
God! My insurance!

Nanami: SORRY!

[Finally she makes it to the door of the Kiryuu mansion, out of  
breath.]

Nanami [gasping]: Onii...sama...I'm home...[looking down at the  
poutine]...I brought you your...poutine...whew. Hm. My, I'm pretty  
hungry myself. I never did finish lunch, did I?

[Back at the field, Anthy is holding the stopwatch, a wicked glint in  
her eye.]

Anthy: Trois...

[Cut back to the Kiryuu mansion]

Nanami: I should probably have some first to see if it's up to my  
brother's standard...

[Field]

Anthy: Deux...

[Mansion]

Nanami [picking up a fry]: The proof of the pudding, et cetera...

[Field]

Anthy: Un...

[Mansion]

[Nanami pops the fry in her mouth.]

[*CLICK*]

[*BOOM*]

[The noise from the explosion at Villa Kiryuu is loud enough to be  
heard at Ohtori Academy. The house also just happens to be in the  
line of sight of Team Utena in their particular part of the campus.]

Utena: Oh, God, no...

Anthy [all smiles]: Oh dear. Did I do that?

Utena: I thought you said it was safe!

Anthy: Miss Utena, I said you had absolutely nothing to worry about.  
I never said a word about anybody else.

[Back at the mansion, Nanami lies passed out, covered in French fries  
and gravy.]

[Inside Touga doesn't appear to notice anything has happened for a  
moment. "Largo" continues to play in the background. Then suddenly  
he quietly rises, goes to the gramophone and removes the Dvorak  
record. He puts it back the the rest of the collection and digs  
through the other records, as if searching.]

Touga: Ah. Here we are. This should be appropriate.

[He seems to find what he's looking for at last. He pulls out an LP,  
puts it on the gramophone and returns to his seat. It turns out to  
be a record of Quebecois folk music.]

Gramophone: o/` Mon pays ce n'est pas un pays,  
o/` C'est l'hiver...

[Outside the mansion. Nanami comes to.]

Nanami: Qu'est-ce qui s'est pass�?

[She looks down at her yellow uniform, covered in gravy and cheese.]

Nanami: Quel horreur! _Jaune_? Quel couleur...anglo!

[Nanami puts her hand to her forehead and swoons. Fade out.]

[Darkness.]

Multiple Voices [overlapping]: Did you hear... did you hear the  
news... Acting Student Council President Nanami Kiryuu... in an  
accident...

[Fade in to a hospital bed, with Nanami lying in. Close up on her  
sleeping face. Her eyes open. Simultaneous with that is the sound of  
a book being closed. Pan back, to reveal Tsuwabuki rising from a  
chair beside the bed, a concerned expression on his face and his  
notebook under one arm.]

Tsuwabuki: Miss Nanami...

Nanami: Quoi?

Tsuwabuki [confused]: What?

Nanami [annoyed]: Quoi?

Tsuwabuki [more confused]: What?

Nanami: Parle en fran�ais! Fran�ais!

Tsuwabuki [near tears]: What?

[Fade out to the Student Council's balcony, with Julie and Miki  
sitting at the table. Both are wearing large Mexican sombreros.]

Julie: My sources tell me that Nanami is recovering nicely.

Miki: Mine say that she'll be back at school by tomorrow.

[Their eyes meet briefly, shaded rather ominously by their hat brims]

Julie [darkly]: So...

Miki [sadly]: So...

Julie: Do _you_ remember which of us gets to be Acting President  
until she gets back?

Miki [hanging his head]: No. Do you?

Julie [also hanging her head]: No. Shall we check the conduct manual?

Miki: Why don't we just janken for it?

Julie [extremely serious]: That will do.

[Cut to a shot of Miki's lightly clenched fist hitting the table  
once.]

Miki's Voice: Jan.

[Cut to a shot of Julie's fist doing the same.]

Julie's Voice: Ken.

[Cut to a diagonal split-screen shot of both their fists hitting the  
table]

Julie and Miki's Voices: PON!

Saionji's Voice: Hold it!

[Cut to Saionji, standing in the entrance to the balcony. He is  
wearing a green fez.]

Saionji: As the Vice-President, I am the one destined to take over  
while the Proxy President is incapacitated. [smirks] Any problems  
with that?

[Cut back to Julie and Miki. They're now wearing fezs as well.]

Julie [disdainfully]: None.

Miki [also disdainfully]: None.

[Saionji strides over and sits down at the table. His fez threatens  
to slip off, and he adjusts it.]

Saionji: First order of business. I don't think there are enough  
posters of my face around the school.

Miki [somewhat interested]: Will Miss Julie and I get posters of our  
faces too?

Saionji: No.

Nanami's Voice: Halte!

[Camera swings back at high speed from the table, leaving the three  
Council members distant figures gathered around a table. They all  
look up. Even at this distance, it's easy to see the shock on their  
faces.]

Miki: Nanami...

[Cut to a shot of Nanami's feet, clad in white high-heeled boots, and  
framed by spinning fleurs-de-lis. Pan up, slowly, revealing that  
Nanami is basically wearing her Council uniform in different colours:  
what was black is now white, what was yellow is now blue. And a white  
fleur-de-lis is emblazoned on her chest.]

[Cut back to the shocked faces of Miki, Julie and Saionji, who are  
now wearing blue berets.]

Julie: Nanami...

[Cut back to Nanami's face, with a tiny smile on it. Pan out to  
reveal that her hair has been bleached almost chalk-white.]

[Cut back to Saionji's face, eyes wide with disbelief.]

Saionji: Nanami...

[Cut to full-body view of Nanami, resplendent in her new uniform.]

Nanami: Oui?

[Fade out. Fade into a view of the front of Ohtori. Zoom in to a view  
of the OHTORI ACADEMY kanji on the wall; close-up of the kanji for  
ACADEMY. Scroll backwards, over the OHTORI kanji, to the familiar  
rose crest--which has disappeared, covered by a hastily-applied blue  
poster with a white fleur-de-lis on it. Underneath for good measure  
is another hastily applied poster, with the French text �COLE PHOENIX  
in very large Roman characters. Cut to the rose atop the gate, to  
which the same has been done. Cut to a medley of shots of places  
where the rose crest (or any sort of rose-themed design at all) was;  
all of them have fleur-de-lys posters papered over them. As these  
shots come onto the screen, we hear Nanami speaking.]

Nanami [VO]: As you are all barbarians and can't understand the  
mother tongue, I've deigned to speak in a language you can comprehend  
merely for purposes of putting in place the necessary improvements to  
this academy. First of all, the roses have to go; their association  
with British imperialism is far too great.

[As she finishes speaking, there is a final shot of the Dueling Arena  
gate, almost completely obscured by overlapping fleur-de-lis  
posters.]

Nanami [VO]: Secondly, all classes from this day forth are French  
immersion. I want every student of l��cole Phoenix to be fluent in  
the mother tongue as soon as possible.

Miki [VO]: Hey, Nanami, since this is Japan, our mother tongue _is_  
technically...

Nanami [VO]: Silence!

[Cut to a shot of a classroom. The students are bent over their  
books. Some look near tears. The teacher stands at the front, openly  
weeping.]

Teacher [half-choked by grief]: Classe... attention... [struggling]  
s'il vous pla�t. Aujourd'hui... [almost unable to speak, but finally  
manages] "L�histoire de Genji."

[Cut to a shot of a chemistry lab. The teacher is sweating while  
flipping through a large Japanese/French dictionary.]

Teacher: Cautionner... il est... explosion... [beat] no, wait, that's  
not... does anyone know the adjective form of...

[Pan out to show the students thumbing through Japanese/French  
dictionaries while trying to complete their lab experiments.  
Suddenly, the door to the classroom bursts open, and Suzuki, Yamada  
and Tanaka enter, wearing blue and white sashes over their regular  
uniforms. They grab the teacher and march him from the room.]

Teacher [pleading]: No... you don't understand... I don't... NO! NO!  
Don't make me go back there--I've already been there twice. I'll be  
good! I'll be good... listen! Listen! I love French! [singing off-  
key] Fr�re Jaques, Fr�re Jaques, dorm� v�? dorm� v�... [he is removed  
from the classroom and his voice fades away.]

[The students look at each other.]

Student #1: Say, is that supposed to be bubbling like that?

Student #2: Haven't the foggiest. I couldn't understand a word he was  
saying.

[Fade out to the sounds of an explosion. Fade in to the Council's  
balcony, with Nanami speaking to Saionji, Julie and Miki.]

Nanami: Finally, as far as the more... unorthodox activities of this  
Council are concerned, there will also be some changes. Our goal is  
no longer Revolution.

[Rapid shots of the shocked faces of the other Council members.]

Nanami: Instead, we shall seek... Sovereignty-Association!

Julie [numbly]: Sovereignty...

Miki [also numbly]: ...association.

Saionji [confused]: What does that mean?

Nanami: Well... you see, that's where we as a school enter into a  
sovereignty-association.

Julie: Nanami... please, just give us a precise definition.

Miki: And isn't the idea of "sovereignty-association" a bit  
paradoxical?

Nanami [smugly]: Can someone please give me a precise definition of  
just what we all meant by "Revolution"?

[Julie and Miki hang their heads.]

Julie: You have a point.

Nanami: Oh, and finally, I'm tripling the fencing club's budget.

[Julie and Miki perk up suddenly.]

Nanami: Fencing is a very French activity.

Saionji: What about the kendo club?

Nanami: Well, actually, I was just about to get to that... you see,  
we don't actually have any more money in the budget than we did, and  
kendo isn't very French at all, so, in order to provide the funds for  
the fencing club...

[Saionji rises and slams his hands down on the table.]

Saionji [furious]: I won't stand for this--the kendo club has a long  
and proud history at Ohtori. Don't expect to see my face here again  
until our budget is restored! I'm leaving!

[Turns and strides towards the exit. Julie and Miki, conversing with  
heads bent low, don't even seem to notice him going.]

Julie: Let's buy some of those really fancy foils.

Miki: Ooh, the ones with the gold buttons on the tips?

[Nanami begins to file her nails, as Saionji pauses at the exit.]

Saionji [loudly]: I said, I'm leaving.

Julie, Miki, Nanami [simultaneously]: Fine.

[Saionji looks wounded for a moment, then turns on his heel and  
departs.]

Julie: Good riddance.

Miki [looking through a catalog produced from somewhere]: Ooooh, Miss  
Julie, can I get a monogrammed uniform?

[Cut to a close-up of Nanami's smiling face.]

Nanami [softly, very pleased]: Excellent. [Fade out]

[Camera up--bordered by fleurs-de-lis--on a blackboard reading in  
large letters in French:]

27 JUIN  
LES PLATS DU JOUR  
POULET FRIT AU SUD--600 yen  
HAMBOURGEOIS--550 yen  
aux frites--600 yen  
POUTINE--350 yen

[Underneath is written what is possibly a translation in Japanese.  
It's hard to say; the writing's too small to read.]

Utena [off]: So when's Tatsuya getting out of the hospital?

Wakaba [off; disappointed]: Only about a week.

[Cut to Utena, Anthy, Wakaba and Chu-Chu in the �cole Phoenix/Ohtori  
Academy cafeteria, where they have decided to eat in (a few days have  
passed since the poutine incident). Chu-Chu is munching on a  
croissant.]

Anthy [all smiles again]: Well, that's good to hear. How's your  
chicken, Miss Utena?

[Utena puts down the piece of _poulet frit au sud_--i.e., Southern  
fried chicken--she has been munching on.]

Utena [sarcastically]: Oh, tr�s bon, c'est tr�s, tr�s bon.  
[disgusted] This is all your fault, I hope you know.

Wakaba [giggling]: I think it's kinda fun myself. [munches on a  
burger] This "hambourgeois" is delish!

Utena: Yeah, well you weren't the one who had to paint a new sign all  
by herself for the East Dorm--oh, I'm sorry, "R�sidence Est"--just so  
Nanami's goons would leave us alone...

Anthy [apparently a little hurt]: Miss Utena, not that it matters,  
but I made a point of painting a new sign myself, without waiting for  
you to ask.

Utena: Look, you, were you trying to get us in trouble?

[Anthy deliberately closes and puts down her copy of _Histoire de  
Babar le petit �l�phant_.]

Anthy [subtly catty in the way only she is capable of--and mind you  
it would be quite tricky]: I haven't a clue what Keiko got so upset  
about. The new regulation says that all signs must either be all in  
French, or that if they do contain Japanese they must contain French  
text twice the size of the Japanese text. I made a point of following  
the regulation to the letter.

Utena: They are _supposed_ to say the same _thing_!

Anthy: That wasn't in the regulation text. Besides, some things are  
always lost in translation...

Utena: What, you thought a big sign saying "Nanami est un vache"  
wasn't going to make Keiko blow a fuse!?

Anthy [endearingly]: Now, Miss Utena, don't you remember my cow  
Nanami?

Utena [pulling at her hair]: Somebody shoot me...!

Wakaba: Y'know, I really don't see the problem. We can talk in  
Japanese all we like outside of class, and just because the French  
signs have to be bigger than the Japanese signs doesn't mean we can't  
read the Japanese signs like we did before. I think you're worrying  
about it too much.

Utena: There's no _need_ for _any_ French signs at _all...!

Nanami: Au contraire!

[Utena turns to see Nanami and Tsuwabuki behind her. Naturally the  
shot of Nanami is framed by fleurs-de-lis itself.]

Nanami: Tenjou, you do not understand the fragility of la culture  
phoenixienne! It must be promoted whenever possible!

Utena [burying head in hands]: Oh God...

Nanami: To have such prominent Japanese text was the maximum  
concession I could make to ignorants like you. You should be  
grateful.

Utena: Oh, yeah, I'm in heaven. Say, Nanami, what say you let the  
teachers lecture in Japanese again...

Nanami [firmly]: Impossible.

Utena: ...except, they have to talk twice as loudly in French as they  
do in Japanese. So even dumbasses like me can understand, but if they  
get out of control and talk in Japanese above a whisper they get  
what's coming to them. [smiles artificially] So everybody's happy.

Nanami [thoughtful]: Ah oui...why didn't I think of that? I'll bring  
it up at the next council meeting.

Utena: Um, Nanami, I was kidding. You know? Joke? Whatsit...

Anthy [helpfully]: Plaisanterie.

Utena: ...thanks... Plaisanterie? Ha ha ha? [the penny drops] Council  
meeting? You mean Julie and Miki agreed to this?

Nanami: Oui. Why do you ask?

[Cut to the gym where Julie and Miki are trying out their new foils.  
As usual, Miki is beaten.]

Miki [taking off his mask]: You win again.

Julie [taking off hers, her hair flowing out movie-style]: Only just.  
I've never seen you in such fine form.

Miki: Has to be the monogrammed uniform. Isn't it just to die for?

Julie: Isn't it, though?

Miki: You know, if Nanami has given up the cause of revolution,  
should we be letting her cause this much chaos?

[Suddenly he has Julie's new foil at his throat.]

Julie [coldly]: If I have to part with this foil, Cyrano de Bergerac  
may forgive you, but I will not...

Miki [gulps loudly]: Okay...

[Cafeteria]

Wakaba [perking up, smiling; pulls out a chair for Nanami]: Say,  
Nanami, your new uniform's a trip. Where can I get one?

Anthy: Bonjour, Nanami.

Nanami [graciously sitting down]: Et bonjour � vous, Himemiya. So how  
is everyone's lunch?

Utena: Oh, fine, fine. I'm just lucky I was able to order any. It's  
kinda hard when you don't know what the hell the lunch lady's talking  
about...I mean, "hambourgeois?"

Nanami: That is what you barbarians call a hamburger, ignorante.

Utena: I know that.

Nanami: Impressionant, n'est-ce pas? The cafeteria staff took much  
less time than I'd thought they would to get used to greeting and  
serving the students of la belle �cole in the mother tongue.

Utena: Yeah, I'm sure it helped you had the three stooges breathing  
down their necks the entire time.

Wakaba: Say, Tsuwabuki, you want a seat?

Tsuwabuki: Ce ne sera pas necessaire, mademoiselle. [ceremoniously  
hands Anthy back her lunch box] Mlle. Nanami vous remercie de  
la poutine.

Anthy [smiling endearingly]: Ah, de rien, de rien! Tu parles bien  
fran�ais!

Tsuwabuki [blushing a bit, hand behind head]: Merci. Pour devenir son  
fr�re a�n�, Mlle. Nanami m'a dit qu'il faut apprendre � parler  
parfaitement la langue maternelle.

Utena: Huh?

Anthy [translating]: Tsuwabuki just thanked me for the poutine. I  
mentioned his French was very good. He replied that if he wanted to  
become Nanami's big brother he had to learn to speak the mother  
tongue. Or so Nanami said.

Utena: ...'k...well, that's as good a motivation as any, I guess...

Nanami: There, you see? If Tsuwabuki or even a weirdo like Anth�e  
Himemiya can manage it, why can't you? [to Tsuwabuki] Merci,  
Tsuwabuki. You may go now.

Tsuwabuki: Merci, mademoiselle. [exits]

Anthy [looking in the box]: She could have washed it just the same...

Utena [exasperated]: Look, Nanami, do we really have to put up with  
this bull? Nobody at this school even speaks French! Except the  
French teachers, of course, and, well...

Nanami [begins to start into a speech]: I told you. We have a duty to  
preserve the unique French cultural heritage that sets l'�cole  
Phoenix apart from the rest of Japan...

Utena: What French cultural heritage? This is a Japanese school!  
Always has been!

Nanami: Do you not remember from the history of the school you were  
given when you enrolled here that the school was founded by the  
Sisters of St. Jean-Baptiste from Montr�al in 1946?

Wakaba: [munching on the last bite of food] She's right you know.  
[rises] I'm going for seconds. Be right back. [exits]

Utena: And what's with this "�cole Phoenix" crap?

Nanami: Mais, that is the proper French name of our school.

Utena: Nobody ever called it that! Not even the nuns!

Nanami [sniffs]: Well, I can't help it if some people don't value  
their own culture.

Utena [suddenly standing, getting in Nanami's face looking positively  
murderous]: Now look here!

Nanami [yelling back at her]: Assisez-vous!

Anthy: Non, Nanami, c'est "asseyez-vous." "Assisez-vous," c'est un  
qu�becisme.

Utena: What?

Anthy [in full idiot savant mode]: Mlle. Nanami asked you to sit  
down. However, she used not the proper conjugation, but a non-  
standard one used only in Quebec. [beat] This is probably a side  
effect of the distinct cultural background of poutine.

Utena [smirks at Nanami]: Poser.

Nanami [livid]: What would a weirdo like you know about it!?

Anthy [thoughtful]: Perhaps I should have made croissants for lunch  
the other day instead...

[Keiko suddenly shows up, looking rather spooked]

Keiko: Mademoiselle! Venez vite!

Utena [leafing through a dictionary]: "Come quick?" Why, what's  
happened this time? Somebody speak in a manner which the listener can  
understand?

Nanami: I must go, Tenjou. [rises to go] Your proposal for language  
volume regulations will be taken into due consideration. Au revoir.

Utena: Yeah, good riddance.

Nanami [narrow eyes]: Pardon?

[Utena leafs through the dictionary again a moment, then motions to  
Nanami to come closer. She approaches Nanami as if she were about to  
whisper, and then:]

Utena [at the top of her lungs]: BON D�BARRAS!

[Nanami covers her battered ear, gives Utena a last scowl, and exits.  
Utena sits back down.]

Utena [sighs, burys head in hands again]: No prince is worth this...

Anthy: If you say so, Miss Utena.

Utena [deciding to change the subject]: So like, when's Akio's car  
gonna be fixed?

[Chu-Chu has finished his croissant, and has decided to take a nap.]

Anthy: They're not sure. It's a very special model, so spare parts  
are hard to obtain. He was very upset about the whole business...

[A sob comes from behind her; she turns to see:]

Wakaba [in tears]: Utena...Saionji...he...

Utena: Huh? Wakaba? [rises to meet her, takes her by the shoulders]  
What's wrong? What did Saionji do?

Wakaba: He...I...well...um...you know how he was, like, expelled, and  
stuff?

Utena: Yeah?

Wakaba: Well, he begged me to let him stay with me for a few  
days...and I guess a few days turned into a few weeks and...

Utena: Well, that explains where he...wait. You didn't...

Wakaba: No, but...for a while I thought he really liked me,  
but...after he got back into school it was like he didn't like me any  
more, so I wrote him a letter asking him what I did and...[breaks  
down]

Utena: What?

Wakaba: I can't say it!

Anthy [looking rather ashamed]: Um...

Utena [the penny drops]: Oh shit, not again...Anthy, we gotta go.  
I'll see you back at the dorm. Wakaba, come on.

[Exeunt. Anthy returns to her book.]

Anthy [to herself, softly]:

o/` Plaisir d'amour n'endure qu'un moment,  
o/` Chagrin d'amour endure toute la vie...

[Cut to a bulletin board where several students are gathered around  
Wakaba's billet doux.]

Student: "Since you abandoned me, Saionji, it's like there's an  
enormous gap in my soul..." Oh Jesus Christ, it's the same  
handwriting as before! Damn, is this one dumb chick or what?

[General laughter, derision. Enter Wakaba with Utena, who sees what  
they're looking at immediately.]

Utena [clearly beginning to simmer]: That's it. I'm going to kill  
him. I swear I'll kill him! Give me that! [rips the letter off the  
board] Bastards, what are you looking at? Get out of here! Come on,  
Wakaba, he's going down and you're going to help me send him there!  
[starts to drag Wakaba in the general direction of the kendo  
building]

Wakaba: Are you going to duel with Saionji again?

Utena: No, I'm going to rip his head off with my bare hands and shove  
it up his--

[A hand snatches the letter off Utena.]

Utena: Huh?

[The hand is Keiko's. Nanami is there with Tsuwabuki, her three goons  
Keiko, Aiko and Yuuko, and the three stooges Suzuki, Yamada and  
Tanaka.]

Keiko: That letter is evidence!

Nanami: Now, now, now, we can't leave this sort of thing to  
vigilantes, Tenjou. Mlle. Shinohara, you said Saionji posted this?

Wakaba: Um...yes...

Nanami [softly]: Don't worry. Leave it to me. I'll see all the power  
of l'�cole Phoenix is brought against him for this outrage.

Wakaba [overjoyed]: Oh, Nanami! Thank you!

Utena: Um, Nanami, that's nice of you, but there's really no need  
to...

Nanami: Mais, such an act, by such a high-ranking member of our  
student body, is no longer just the business of yourself and Mlle.  
Shinohara, but of all of l'�cole Phoenix! Come with me. I need  
witnesses.

[Team Nanami leads the way to the kendo building, with Utena and  
Wakaba in tow.]

Utena: Well. I guess Nanami isn't so bad after all, huh, Wakaba?  
[beat] Wakaba?

Wakaba [sparkly eyes]: Oh, Nanami...

Utena: Um, Wakaba?

Wakaba [in rapture]: I'm in love!...

Utena: WAKABA!

Wakaba: Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot you were there. You may go now.

Utena: What is it with you and Nanami today? What, am I not cool  
enough all of a sudden?

Wakaba: It's the uniform. Girls dig the uniform. I mean, yours is  
_so_ yesterday.

Utena [a bit concerned, inspecting it]: What, you think so?

[Inside the kendo practice hall. Saionji is practicing as usual. The  
door slams open, at first out of our line of sight.]

[Shot of Saionji in profile.]

Saionji: Miss Acting President, school regulations clearly state that  
the kendo club is permitted use of this facility until the end of the  
semester, despite the fact we no longer receive Academy funding.

[A hand shoves the letter towards the back of his head.]

Nanami [for it is she]: What is the meaning of this?

Saionji: It means that while I live you are not converting this room  
into office space for your gang of troublemaking harpies.

[Camera on Nanami and her gang, who have entered the hall. Utena and  
Wakaba are standing in the door.]

Keiko: That�s l'Office de la langue fran�aise de l'�cole Phoenix,  
idiot!

Nanami: Non! I mean what are you playing at by posting this on a  
public notice board, Monsieur le Vice-Pr�sident?

Saionji: [turning to see] What do you mean...oh...

[He sees the letter, then Wakaba looking heartbroken, then Utena  
looking really angry, then back at Nanami and Keiko looking angry as  
well.]

Nanami: Mlles. Tenjou and Shinohara are my witnesses. Normally I  
would have left it to my subordinates, but in the case of such a  
prominent person as yourself I would have felt negligent if I did not  
see justice served myself.

Keiko: It's a good thing Monsieur le Pr�sident is not here. I shudder  
to think how he might have reacted to such an outrage as this...

Saionji [to himself]: It was Touga's idea the first time around...

Nanami: Quoi?

Saionji [aloud]: Fine! Fine! Do you want me to apologize? I'll  
apologize! [bows dramatically; obviously not sorry] I'm sorry! There,  
satisfied?

Nanami: Oh no, you don't! Apologizing won't save you for such a  
heinous act! No, you will face the full consequences of your actions!  
>From you, a member of the Student Council, violation of a regulation  
passed by the Council is nothing short of treason!

Utena: Well. Thank God for that. Should have been done long ago...

Nanami: And so, in the name of the Student Council I decree that for  
his violation of the sign law of 24 juin Kyouichi Saionji be relieved  
of his post and administered the maximum penalty the law allows!

[Dead silence. A few crickets are heard chirping.]

[Utena and Wakaba just stand there looking like stunned fish.]

Utena: ...

Wakaba: The...sign law?

Nanami: Oui! Posting this letter is a clear violation of regulations!  
There's not a word of French in the whole thing! Rene Levesque may  
forgive him, but I will not!

Wakaba: [starting to tear up] 'k...

Nanami: Why, what did you think I was so upset about?

Wakaba [throws herself into Utena's arms, wailing]: WAAAAAA! Utena,  
I'm so sorry! I'll never betray you again!

Utena: ...

Saionji [snatching the letter off Nanami, leafs through it  
desperately]: Wait, wait, I'm sure there's some French in here  
somewhere...oh, here we are! The salutation! "Cher Saionji!" There we  
go, that's French, right?

Keiko: Written in katakana. That doesn�t count.

Saionji: Nanami, this is a set up and you know it! You can't do this!  
I'll have the Chairman on you! I'll...I'll tell your brother and  
he'll be very angry, see if he's not! I'll...

[Aiko walks over to Utena and Wakaba, holding two fleur-de-lis pins  
as an offering.]

Aiko: Thank you for your help in preserving the cultural heritage of  
l'�cole Phoenix. Please accept these pins as tokens of our gratitude.  
We'll take it from here.

Wakaba: WAAAAA!

Utena [still stunned]: ...

Nanami [to Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka]: Take him away.

[Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka start to drag Saionji off to his doom.]

Saionji: Utena Tenjou!

Utena [snaps out of it]: Y...yes?

Saionji: You are the one engaged. Only you can stop Nanami now. No  
matter what, do not let her achieve...sovereignty-association!

[The three stooges drag him away.]

Utena [shocked]: Sovereignty-association...!

Wakaba: Utena, I don't understand. What's sovereignty-association?

Nanami [dusting her hands off]: Well, so much for him.  
Mesdemoiselles, you may move in right away.

Keiko, Aiko, Yuuko [cheering in French]: Hourra!

Utena: I really don't know. Nanami, what's this  
sovereignty-association business?

Nanami: Oh, that! Simple. Instead of starting revolution--with all  
the messiness that involves--I simply want to achieve  
sovereignty-association. In a democratic society--

Utena: No, really, what is it? I've read all the brochures you and  
your pals have printed. I still don't understand. What _is_  
sovereignty-association?

Nanami [with an ominous smirk]: Oh, I think you'll find out soon  
enough, Utena Tenjou. [doing the Kodachi again] OHOHOHOHOHO!

Wakaba [a bit scared]: Utena...

Utena [suspiciously]: Let's just move on, Wakaba.

[They depart, leaving Nanami laughing and her henchwomen running  
around the kendo hall and making plans for where the furniture will  
go.]

Wakaba [tugging on Utena's sleeve]: Utena, what did Saionji mean when  
he said that you were "the one engaged"? [suddenly, she scowls] Are  
you cheating on me? You are, aren't you? Aren't you?

Utena [sweating]: Hey, who knows, it's Saionji. He's a little...  
[circles her ear with her index finger]

Wakaba [putting her nose in the air]: Fine. Be that way. Hmph.

Utena: Ahh, Wakaba, don't be like that.

Wakaba [sadly]: Only one thing will prove you're still devoted to me,  
Utena...

Utena [nervous]: Ahh... what?

Wakaba [gleefully]: A piggyback! [leaps onto Utena's back. Utena  
staggers, takes a deep breath, and manages to remain upright.]

Utena [muttered]: Should've known...

[They walk off into the distance, heading over a hill towards the  
sunset, as the scene fades.]

[Fade into Anthy and Utena's room. Late evening. Moonlight on the  
floor. Shot of Utena, lying on the top bunk, hands behind her head.]

Utena: Hey Anthy, what do you think Nanami means by 'sovereignty-  
association'?

[Cut to Anthy, lying on her side on the bottom bunk, Chu-Chu cuddled  
asleep beside her.]

Anthy: Actually, Miss Utena, I...

[Back to Utena.]

Utena: What?

[Back to Anthy.]

Anthy: I haven't the slightest idea, Miss Utena.

[Back to Utena, who has just facefaulted in her bed. After she  
composes herself:]

Utena: Hey, if the Student Council is seeking sovereignty-association  
instead of Revolution, do you think maybe that means they're not  
going  
to want the Rose Bride any more?

[Back to Anthy.]

Anthy: I really don't know. I suppose it could all be some elaborate  
plot on Nanami's part to somehow draw out those mysterious  
manipulators from the shadows who manipulate ordinary students into  
fighting duels.

[Utena.]

Utena: Those manipulative bastards!

[Anthy.]

Anthy: I did hear that she's doing something at Nemuro Hall that's  
disrupted Mr. Mikage's seminars.

[Utena.]

Utena [murmured]: "Only you can stop Nanami now..." What did he mean  
by that?

Anthy: What's that, Miss Utena?

Utena: Nothing. Good night, Anthy.

Anthy: Good night, Miss Utena.

[Fade out. Fade in to Mikage and Mamiya's underground chamber.  
They're looking, as usual, at a black rose in a glass case.]

Mamiya: Hey, look, we're down to the last black rose.

Mikage [darkly]: Until we regain control of Nemuro Hall...

Mamiya: Isn't it �difice Nemuro Memorial now?

Mikage: [frutstrated] Fine!...until we get control back from that  
lunatic Kiryuu woman, it won't matter. She's commandeered the  
elevator for something sinister and disturbing.

Mamiya: Can she do that?

Mikage: Nemuro Memorial Hall--or whatever the hell they call it these  
days--and its programs are technically under the dominion of the  
Student Council. Only tradition has left us with a great deal of  
autonomy. [beat] We are still technically a part of Ohtori, and thus  
subservient to the Council.

Mamiya [sadly]: So we are. So long as �difice Nemuro Memorial remains  
a part of Phoenix, we are subservient to the Council.

Mikage: Yes.

Mamiya: Yes.

Mikage: Hey, Mamiya, how come I can't leave the basement right now?

Mamiya [paging through the script]: Because Utena Tenjou is supposed  
to show up soon to investigate the sinister purposes to which Nanami  
has turned �difice Nemuro Memorial, and to have her meet you before  
Episode 22 would contradict the canon.

Mikage: I think we just blew the fourth wall straight to hell.

Mamiya [nonchalantly]: Yes. [beat] Wanna go get some sodas?

Mikage: Okay.

[They leave. Fade out, fade in to Utena creeping out of the front  
door of R�sidence Est/East Dorm, late evening, the moon bright  
overhead. She's changed out of her pyjamas and back into her usual  
uniform. She walks swiftly up the hill towards the main campus,  
through the gates, and sneaks around the campus (hiding behind trees,  
edging around buildings, looking from left to right constantly,  
crawling through underbrush, etc) towards �difice Nemuro  
Memorial/Nemuro Memorial Hall, where she tiptoes up the stairs to the  
silent, dark doors.]

Utena: Whew. [She wipes a hand across her forehead.]

[The doors open up suddenly, and Aiko and Yuuko are on the other  
side, each with a big smile on her face.]

Aiko: Bonsoir! [She reaches out, grabs Utena by the hands, and drags  
her inside.]

Utena: Hey--whoah!

[Inside, it can be seen that Nemuro Memorial Hall has been bedecked  
with Quebec flags, which clash with the dark and gloomy decor  
something awful.]

Aiko [overjoyed]: It's so good to see you, Mlle. Tenjou; I'm really  
glad to see that you came in for a session voluntarily, instead of  
having to be summoned. Mlle. Nanami will be so happy.

Utena [confused]: Huh? Session?

Aiko [profusely overjoyed]: Mlle. Nanami has developed a wonderful  
technique for transforming the school's students into experts of the  
true culture.

Utena [even more confused]: True culture?

Yuuko [excessively overjoyed]: It's really amazing, they go in the  
elevator quoting Basho, and they come out saying "Vive l'�cole  
Phoenix!"

Utena [dubious]: Isn't that kinda like brainwashing?

Yuuko [blinking]: Hmm?

Utena [really dubious]: Sounds kinda suspicious to me. And, what, are  
you guys keeping this place open 24-7? Don't you need to sleep?

Yuuko [grinning madly]: I'm only on duty until tomorrow morning...  
then I'll... then I'll get to sleep... [grin begins to waver] I slept  
yesterday... I think...

Aiko: [beginning to crack herself] I'm almost certain I slept  
yesterday... [whispered] Didn't I?

[Suddenly, as one, Aiko and Yuuko burst into tears and drop to the  
ground, hugging Utena's knees.]

Aiko: Oh my God, Tenjou, you've got to do something, you're the only  
person we've ever seen stand up to Miss Nanami!

Yuuko: She's gone completely mad, she's going to kill us all!

Utena: What's she done to you? [kneels down and hugs them]  
There, there...um...what are your names again?

Aiko: She made us watch _J�sus de Montr�al_ yesterday!

Utena: Is that all? I heard that was a great movie... [to herself] Or  
so Akio says...

Yuuko: Yes, but four times straight?

Utena: Well, yeah, that's overkill...

Aiko: Without subtitles?

Utena: Yes, that would suck...

Yuuko: Strapped down to a chair so I couldn't escape?

Utena [suddenly realizing the gravity of it all]: My God...

Aiko: Shot through with electricity if I showed any signs of  
incomprehension? [sobs]

Yuuko: That's not the worst! We had to listen to C�line Dion albums  
on headphones while we slept--the last time we slept, whenever that  
was!

Aiko [sobbing into Utena's chest]: When I woke up all I could do for  
hours afterwards was sing every damn song on the damn _French Album_,  
pronouncing every single lyric perfectly! AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW  
FRENCH! I took _German_ last year! [babbling] Bratwurst! Autobahn!  
Glockenspiel!

[Suddenly, Nanami's gloating laughter is heard. Aiko freezes like a  
deer caught in headlights, still clinging to Utena like she's the  
only thing keeping her up.]

[Utena turns. At the end of the hallway, Nanami stands, hands on her  
hips, Keiko beside her and with Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka behind her.  
The three boys are all wearing Montreal Canadiens hockey jerseys.]

Keiko: See, Mlle. Nanami? I told you they might get rebellious!

Nanami: Tr�s bien, Keiko!

Utena [angry]: Right! Nanami, this has gone far enough--you're acting  
like a total lunatic!

Nanami: [enraged]: Lunatic! I'm fighting to preserve my people's  
culture!

Utena: You're insane!

[Aiko and Yuuko let out despairing wails and lets Utena's legs go,  
collapsing to the floor.]

Yuuko: Oh, all is lost--all is lost!

Aiko: We'll be forced to watch that tape of Maurice Richard hockey  
highlights until the end of time!

Utena [aside]: Geez, get a grip.

Keiko: We won't let you destroy our heritage, Utena Tenjou!  
[pointing, snapping at Suzuki, Yamada and Tanaka] Anglais!

Suzuki [charging]: o/` Anglais

Yamada [charging]: o/` Anglais

Tanaka [charging]: o/` Anglais

Utena [smirking]: Hah, right, you think _these_ three are gonna be  
able to take me down? [She cracks her knuckles.]

Massed voices: o/` Anglais

[Suddenly, a huge crowd of glaze-eyed students and faculty, all  
wearing Montreal Canadiens jerseys, emerge from the shadows behind  
Nanami.]

Crowd [charging]: o/` Anglais

Utena: Oh, merde.

Nanami: OHOHOHOHOHO!

[Utena reaches down, grabs Aiko and Yuuko by the hands, and hauls  
them to their feet at a run, as the huge crowd of brainwashed  
students and faculty pursue them down the twisting halls; Aiko and  
Yuuko are being dragged by Utena as much as running under their own  
power.]

Aiko: Miss Tenjou--leave me behind! I'll only slow you down!

Yuuko: Me too! We'll look after each other! You have to escape at any  
cost!

Utena [panting, barely keeping ahead of the pursuers]: I can't do  
that!

Crowd [gaining]: o/` Anglais

Aiko: You have to--I'll be okay!

Yuuko: Me too! I can stand the rehabilitation, if it means Nanami's  
mad scheme will eventually be stopped!

Utena: No, really, I can't.

Aiko: You must!

Utena [blinking]: Well, okay, if you're so insistent.

[She drops them both, and begins to run faster. Aiko and Yuuko are  
engulfed by the pursuers. Utena turns a corner. Behind her, the  
pounding feet follow.]

Crowd: o/` Anglais

Utena: Geez... they don't give up, do they?

[As she passes a door, it opens, and a large male hand grabs her and  
hauls her inside. The screen goes dark, and the sounds of a struggle  
are briefly heard, as the feet of her pursuers pound by outside.]

Utena's voice: Hey--hey, get your hands off me!

Saionji's voice [with a lacklustre, exhausted, monotone quality to  
it]: Be quiet, Utena Tenjou.

Utena's voice: S-Saionji?

[Suddenly, a penlight clicks on, revealing Saionji's face roughly  
three inches from Utena's. The two of them are inside what appears to  
be a broom closet. A very cramped broom closet.]

Saionji: While you are no doubt wondering why I have dragged you into  
this broom closet, let me assure you it was purely out of concern for  
your welfare. Had Nanami's brainwashed horde caught you, all would  
have been lost.

Utena: Since when have you been concerned for my welfare?

Saionji: Since Nanami's insanity robbed the kendo team of its  
funding. You are the Engaged One, Utena--only you can stop Nanami.

Utena: Hey, what are you doing in this broom closet, anyway?

Saionji [hanging his head]: Hiding. I've already undergone Nanami's  
"treatment" twice since you last saw me--only my love for Anthy  
allowed me to endure. That, and the cotton balls I stuffed into my  
ears after they put me in the elevator.

Utena: The elevator?

Saionji [shell-shocked]: They put you inside... and music starts to  
play... and you go down... there's a TV screen, and they show you...  
they show you... [shaking his head] I can't speak of it. And, at the  
end, you get poutine. The poutine is actually pretty good, but the  
rest of it... [shudders]

Utena: Why aren't Miki and Julie doing anything about this?

Saionji: Didn't you hear? Nanami took away the kendo team's budget  
and gave it to them for the fencing team. They've been caught up in  
playing with their pretty new toys for the last few days.

Utena: But... they don't know what's going on here, do they? Students  
being brainwashed... surely, if they did, they wouldn't let it go on?  
[Resolute and determined] You're still on the Student Council, right?  
You've got to help put a stop to this! Tell them or something...

Saionji: I could, I suppose. Not that they'd listen. In any case I'd  
rather sit here in the closet and huddle into a ball... I can still  
see it when I close my eyes...

Utena: Look, Saionji, you've got to come out of the closet sooner or  
later!

Saionji: I'll come out of the closet when I'm good and ready!  
[Dramatically] I need to be alone! A man must confront these demons  
by himself!

Utena: You're going to start crying, aren't you?

Saionji [shamefully]: Yes.

[Cut to a shot of Utena dragging the sobbing Saionji out of the broom  
closet by his hair.]

Utena: Looks like the coast is clear...Okay, Saionji, what's the  
quickest way out of here?

Saionji: [still sobbing] Back door's down the corridor, I think.  
[continues to blubber]

[Exeunt Utena and Saionji, Utena dragging Saionji all the way. After  
a moment, the door across from the closet opens up, and Mikage pokes  
his head out and looks around to make sure she's gone.]

Mikage: Whew. [sips on a soda]

\---

[Cut to the back door of �difice Nemuro Memorial/Nemuro Memorial  
Hall, which opens to let Utena and Saionji out. Utena is still  
dragging Saionji by the hair.]

Saionji: You can let go of my hair now.

Utena: Oh, right.

[She does that. Saionji immediately stands up and looks as suave as  
ever.]

Utena: All right, listen. You go to the Student Council meeting and  
tell them what you know, and I'll...

Saionji [interrupting]: Utena Tenjou, even if the rest of the Council  
were inclined to listen to me under any circumstances, which they  
aren't, I have no proof. Even if I had, after all the trouble they've  
let Nanami cause, do you have a reason to believe they'll really  
care?

Utena: I'm not done! I was _going_ to say I was going to go to the  
Chairman and tell him about all this. He's a good listener...  
[getting all starry-eyed]

Saionji: Wait. You've actually seen the Acting Chairman?

Utena [puzzled]: Uh, yeah. Why? Haven't you? Being on the Student  
Council and being important and stuff?

Saionji: No. Hardly anybody has. He's almost impossible to get a hold  
of.

Utena [puzzled]: 'k. You know, I thought Akio'd be more involved...

Saionji: My dear, do you really think it would have come to this if  
he were? [beat] Wait. Akio?

Utena: Yeah, that's his...

Saionji: Yes! Yes! I mean how well do you know the man?

Utena [hand behind head]: Turns out it's Anthy's brother, actually.

Saionji [looking _very_ worried for his safety now]: Oh. Dear.

Voice: Now, now, Saionji, he doesn't bite.

[Saionji and Utena turn to see Anthy in her school uniform,  
cheerfully sipping a soda a little bit away on the Nemuro lawn.]

Utena: Um. I thought you'd gone to bed long ago.

Anthy: I had. I couldn't sleep, so I took a walk. Would you like some  
soda, Miss Utena?

Utena: No thanks...look, your cooking made Nanami like this. Do you  
think it could cure her like it did us the last time?

Anthy: Hm. I suppose it could. Though I couldn't possibly predict the  
side effects.

Saionji: Much the way you couldn't predict my soul being switched  
with that...blast it, what is that thing, anyway?

Anthy: Oh, no, Saionji, that was completely deliberate.

Saionji: WHAT!?

Anthy: I thought it'd be fun for him. You have no idea how much  
Chu-Chu enjoyed being in charge of the kendo club. It was a shame I  
had to switch you two back eventually...

[Saionji grabs Utena by the epaulettes.]

Saionji: Utena Tenjou! What have you been making my Anthy do!?

Utena [sweatdropping]: Nothing, that chick does whatever the heck she  
wants. You haven't figured that out? 'Sides, you can't kill me, I'm  
the only one who can stop Nanami, remember?

Saionji: Oh, right. [lets her go]

Utena: Okay. To cure Nanami, we gotta get her to eat Anthy's poutine  
again. I dunno how we're going to do that right now, though. First  
things first. We gotta stop all this French crap. Anthy, when does  
Akio get to his office in the morning?

[Cut to the elevator leading to la Chambre du Conseil des �leves/  
Student Council Chamber. Cue the usual ominous music as the shadows  
of Miki, then Julie, then a few others--first Saionji, then Keiko and  
the others, then Tsuwabuki, and then at last Nanami, so that pretty  
soon the elevator is starting to look rather crowded. As they appear  
Nanami and her gang--le Parti phoenixien--are the ones to say the  
usual elevator paternoster instead of the Conseil/Council themselves.  
Not to mention it's all in French:]

Keiko: S'il ne brise pas la coquille de l'oeuf, le poussin mourra  
avant qu'il ne na�t.

Tsuwabuki: Nous, nous sommes le poussin. L'oeuf, c'est le monde.

Nanami: Si nous ne brisons pas la coquille du monde, nous mourrons  
avant que nous ne naissons. Brisons la coquille!

Le Parti phoenixien: Pour la souverainet�-association du monde!

[Cut to Nanami, slipping behind the wheel of what can only be  
described as a kind of red tank, onto which a fleur-de-lis has been  
spray-painted in white. In other words, she's behind the wheel of the  
Tougamobile from the _Adolescence of Utena_ movie. The Tougamobile is  
parked in front of what should be a red STOP sign, except the sign  
actually reads ARR�T.]

Nanami: Mlle. la Pr�sidente de l'Office de la langue fran�aise,  
report.

[Cut to Keiko, who's behind the wheel of a convertible beside Nanami.  
Aiko and Yuuko are in the back seat, looking like hell; their eyes  
are vacant, as if they've been drugged, and they look even more  
exhausted, with bags under their eyes.]

Keiko: Replacement of all old Japanese signs with bilingual ones is  
proceeding on schedule. Replacement of all rose motifs on campus with  
fleurs-de-lis is however behind schedule owing to lack of funds.  
Permission to make a recommendation?

Nanami: Granted.

Keiko: Having signs in both languages not only is more costly than  
signs only in French, it also weakens the message that French is the  
chief language of l'�cole Phoenix. Can we not merely have signs in  
French only?

Nanami: Sois patiente, Keiko. We must make allowances now for those  
ignorants who persist in speaking Japanese. Everything will be  
different when we achieve sovereignty-association. Which reminds me.  
Aiko, Yuuko, comment allez-vous?

Aiko and Yuuko [in a monotone]: Tres bien, Mlle. la Presidente.

Nanami: They're looking better. Hopefully they won't slip again. How  
long were they in the Richard room last night?

Keiko: Seven hours. I think it did them good, mademoiselle.

Nanami: I think so too. Anything to add, Aiko? Yuuko?

[The two just stare blankly.]

Nanami: Tr�s bien.

[Someone sounds his horn loudly]

Nanami: [noticing the sound, turning to look] Oh, Monsieur le  
Vice-President. I see you're still alive. Did you want to say  
something, or just the way to the door?

[Cut to Saionji, who is sitting behind Nanami in a jeep--the  
Wakabamobile. Our angle lets us see the sign has reverted to a normal  
STOP sign.]

Saionji: What is the meaning of this? What are all these people doing  
here? And what in blazes are you up to in Nemuro Hall?

[Miki clicks his stopwatch.]

[Cut to Miki, who is sitting in the Kozuemobile, beside Saionji. Our  
angle allows us to see the sign is now bilingual, saying ARR�T on top  
and STOP underneath.]

Miki: The minutes state that le Conseil opened its meetings to the  
public to allow for full and frank reports and discussion on the  
implementation of the sign and decor regulations. The facility in  
�difice Nemuro was also approved by le Conseil without objection.

[Cut to Julie, who is sitting behind Miki in a purple coupe with  
frilly seat-cushions--the Shiorimobile.]

Julie: Yes. You'd know that if you'd bothered to come to meetings.  
You could even have complained. Not that we'd have listened, but it'd  
have kept you out of trouble.

Saionji: I was held against my will by Nanami's stormtroopers!

Julie: It's your own fault for violating the sign regulations.

Nanami: In any case, you're out of order, Saionji, so be quiet. Mlle.  
la Tr�sori�re, report on the financial situation. Is there enough  
money for the replacement of the roses?

[Julie digs out what are presumably accounts, inspects them for a  
moment.]

Julie: Hm. Let's see. I'm really not sure the money is there. Cutting  
back on clubs won't do it anymore. I mean, you have no idea how many  
blasted roses there are to replace, Mlle. la Pr�sidente. Le Comit�  
directeur could give it to us, but to find it they might well have to  
fire several staff members. Of course I could persuade a few to  
resign voluntarily, but I'd really rather not do that.

Miki: Anyway, don't we have other things to be doing right now? Like  
finding out the nature of the Black Rose Duelists?

Keiko: Nothing is more important than preserving la culture  
phoenixienne!

[Aiko and Yuuko mutter something that might be "Oui, oui." It's hard  
to tell; they're pretty incoherent right now.]

Saionji: Dear God, listen to yourselves! You really think the Board  
of Trustees--oh, I'm sorry, "Le Comit� directeur"--will fire half the  
staff of Ohtori Academy to satisfy Nanami's philistine sense of  
aesthetics? If they had any sense at all you'd have all been expelled  
long ago!

Julie [smirking]: I'm sure you have a great deal of experience about  
the pains of expulsion, right?

Saionji [pouting]: That was cold.

Nanami: In any case, pretty soon we'll have the authority to  
appropriate the funds ourselves, no matter what they think about it.  
I have copies here [pulling out some sheets of paper] of the new  
charter which I plan to present to le Pr�sident de l'�cole, and then,  
if he has no objections, to le Comit� directeur for final approval.

[She passes the copies around to all present. Miki and Julie look a  
little concerned when they see what's printed. Saionji starts to  
laugh derisively.]

Saionji: HA! Oh dear Lord...Miss Acting President, you expect no  
objections to _this_?

[*CLICK*]

Miki: Yes. Aren't we going a bit far?

Julie: This Student Council is already pretty powerful. I don't see  
how we can use all the new authority you want for us...

Nanami: This is the absolute minimum we can use. Besides, they'll  
give it to us whether they want to or not. I move that if they don't  
approve of the plan we go ahead and establish sovereignty-association  
immediately. Any objections?

Saionji: I know I do! Anybody who wasn't completely insane would!

Nanami: Aiko, Yuuko, s'il vous pla�t, take him back to Nemuro where  
he belongs.

Saionji: The hell you will!

[Aiko and Yuuko get out of the car and march like zombies to  
Saionji's jeep. Saionji pulls out his shinai.]

Saionji: You stay away!

Aiko [pointing to the stop sign]: What's that?

Saionji: Huh?

[Yuuko grabs the shinai and knocks him upside the head. They drag his  
unconscious body out of the jeep and back to the elevator off  
camera.]

Miki [nervously]: Reserving the right to object...

Nanami [smirking]: Feeling lucky, Monsieur le Secr�taire?

Miki: Well, no, but...can we really achieve sovereignty-association  
without the Rose Bride?

Nanami: That little weirdo? Au contraire! Je vous pr�sente...la  
Mari�e du lis!

[Cut to Tsuwabuki, who is standing on the sidewalk beside Nanami's  
Tougamobile. He's now wearing an outfit much like Mamiya's, except  
it's blue with the white fleur-de-lis motif. Evidently he is the new  
Mari�e du lis/Lily Bride.]

Nanami: Une mari�e phoenixienne pure laine, perfect for l'�cole  
Phoenix! What do you think?

Tsuwabuki: Euh...Mlle. Nanami, vous voulez dire "_le_ Mari� du lis,"  
n'est-ce pas? Je veux dire, je suis un gar�on...

Julie: He has a point. He'd be the Lily Bride_groom_, if anything. He  
is a boy, after all.

Miki [truly impressed]: Julie, you actually speak French?

Julie [smiling, looking cool]: If I wanted to I could do anything  
right!

Nanami [baiting her]: Could you dance with the devil on a Saturday  
night?

[Somewhere, Akio sneezes.]

Julie [spluttering]: My point is, he can't be a Rose Bride or a Lily  
Bride, being a boy. It just doesn't work that way.

[In Mikage's basement, Mamiya sneezes.]

Mikage: Are you all right?

Mamiya: Fine. Must have caught a cold. It had to be the fresh air. Oh  
dear, I thought Utena Tenjou and that fool Saionji would never leave!

Mikage: _You_ weren't stuck in a damned closet all that time... what  
are you growing now?

[Beside the single black rose are several white lilies.]

Mamiya [smiling]: Thought it was time for a change.

[Cut back to la Chambre du Conseil/the Council Chamber.]

Nanami: Details, details.

Miki: Anyway, even if you want to replace the Rose Bride, you're  
going to have to get rid of the old one, which means getting power  
over her. [*CLICK*] That means beating Utena Tenjou. You've never  
beaten her, you know.

Nanami: That was then. Now, though, le peuple phoenixien are on our  
side. If it comes to that, I'll surely defeat her, with their help.  
So don't worry your pretty little head, eh, Miki? [to Keiko] That  
reminds me. How many of the students have successfully completed  
treatment at Nemuro?

Keiko: About forty percent now support sovereignty-association. A  
majority shouldn't be too far away now.

Nanami: Bon. Any objections to presenting the charter to le  
Pr�sident later today?

Miki: None.

Julie: None.

Nanami: Bon. I'll do that. If there's nothing else, I move we  
adjourn...

Miki: There was something else. A piece of correspondence...

Nanami: Ah! From le Bout de la Terre?

Miki: No, not from End of the World. Actually from the Chairman.  
[hands it to Nanami] It looks like a bill for car repair...

Nanami: Quoi?

[She starts reading it. As she does so Keiko turns the engine of her  
convertible over, and floors the accelerator, flying off into the  
wild blue yonder. Miki and Julie quickly follow suit in their  
vehicles, leaving Nanami in the dust. Cut to the stop sign; the  
ARR�T/STOP logo has been replaced, this time by a depiction of Shadow  
Girl C-ko dressed as a policeman, holding her hand up and blowing a  
whistle.]

Nanami: Quel horreur!

[Cut to Akio's taxi from the movie pulling up to an ARR�T sign. Akio  
gets out.]

Akio [to the cabbie]: That's _how much_? [beat] Fine. [hands the  
cabbie altogether too many bills; the taxi pulls away] This is  
humiliating.

[He turns to see Anthy and Utena standing at the front door of la  
Tour du Pr�sident/the Chairman's Tower.]

Anthy [beaming]: Oniisama. Welcome home.

Utena [smiling as well, but more nervously, her hand behind her  
head]: Hi, Akio. We gotta talk. Like, now.

[Tableau. The background changes to C-ko's shadow-play stage, and her  
accordion music begins to play as she enters.]

C-ko: Extra! Extra!

[C-ko pops down out of sight for a moment, and rises back up seated  
at a table, wearing a large curly wig, with a spoon in one hand. In  
an egg-cup before her, an egg with the wide end up rests.]

C-ko [doleful voice]: I am the last... the last of my kind...

[Suddenly, she brings the back end of the spoon's bowl down upon the  
egg, breaking it with a sharp crack. As she continues to talk, she  
eats.]

C-ko: They're all against me, the ones who crack their egg on the  
improper end... but I'll show them... I'll show them all... I'll show  
them that my end is the proper end... then they'll see! Then they'll  
be sorry!

[The egg finished, she drops her spoon on the table and burps  
lightly.]

C-ko: D�licieux!

[The table breaks in half with a sharp crack, spilling her to the  
floor and out of sight.]

Utena: Doesn't it taste the same whatever end you eat it from?

Anthy: It's a matter of tradition.

[Fade out]

[Close up on Utena. She's rather flushed, and is breathing heavily.]

Utena: And...so...that's...what's...been...happening...Akio...

[Cut to Akio on his couch. He laughs pleasantly.]

Akio: Now, now, Miss Tenjou. I am not unaware of the problem.

[Panoramic view of Akio's office. Akio and Anthy are seated on their  
respective couches; Utena is running on the spot.]

Utena: So...like...why...haven't...you...done...anything?

Akio: Well, I wasn't fully aware of the gravity of the situation  
myself until Mr. Mikage complained about the appropriation of Nemuro  
Hall by the Acting President and her assistants...

[Utena stops running and fixes Akio with a firm stare. Chu-Chu  
munches on a cracker.]

Utena [dramatic outrage]: Akio! You mean you'd need to have mass  
brainwashing of students before you'd do anything!? She's causing  
havoc! She's gotta be stopped! Innocent lives are at stake here!

Akio: Miss Tenjou, believe me, I'm well aware of the incident at  
Natural Science. I don't think anybody was killed, though. Please,  
calm down. Sit. Have some tea. [Utena sits. Anthy pours her some  
tea.] Relax. Getting excited won't help. [sips his own tea] Miss  
Tenjou, I believe that at the age you and the Student Council are  
now, children can no longer be allowed to use the judgment of adults  
as a crutch. Possibly you'll have heard complaints about how hard I  
am to get a hold of. This--you may ask the President about this, when  
he returns to school of course--is partly deliberate. It simply won't  
do for the Council to come to me over trivial matters.

Utena: Okay, whatever, but...how come you always seem to be there  
when _I've_ got a problem?

[Akio laughs pleasantly again.]

Akio: Well, Miss Tenjou, you're a completely different case. You're  
my sister's friend. As her brother it's my job to see that everything  
in her life is in order. As her friend, you're something in her life,  
so I need to see that for you, too, all's in order. In any case, a  
man's a fool to neglect his friends, and as you're my sister's  
friend, you qualify as my friend too.

Utena [blushing a bit; her hand goes behind her head]: You think so?

Akio [his smile broadening]: Am I wrong?

Anthy: STOP IT!

[The others look at her.]

Chu-Chu: Chu?

[Chu-Chu is clinging on to the rim of Utena's teacup.]

Anthy: If you wanted tea, you should have asked! You know better than  
to drink Utena's! Bad Chu-Chu! Tell her you're sorry!

[Chu-Chu chus apologetically. Akio splutters.]

Akio: Would you like another cup?

Utena: Nah, that's fine...

Akio: Where was I? Yes. I was well aware of the Acting President's  
recent actions. [takes another sip of tea] However, I felt that her  
sudden fascination with our school's history was harmless and  
actually rather touching. Would that many more students had her level  
of pride regarding the school's heritage. I was also amazed at how  
popular the measures appeared to be. I'm sure the popularity of  
poutine in the cafeteria, at least, was genuine. It was quite good  
poutine, though nothing compared to Anthy's. Am I wrong, Anthy?

Anthy [embarrassed, but pleased; titters]: Oh, oniisama, really!

Utena [giving her the Narrow Eye Look]: Do tell.

Akio: But you're right. I really must draw the line somewhere. I  
mean, really--mass indoctrinations? How she thinks anybody outside an  
insane asylum would stand for that is beyond me...

Utena: Amen. So are you gonna go kick her ass now or...

Akio [crinkling his nose]: Well, there's no need to be vulgar about  
it. But don't worry, Miss Tenjou. I fully intend to rein in the  
Acting President this afternoon. I would have done it this morning,  
but I had business to attend to in town, and of course I had to take  
a taxi there and back. That, and I wasn't expecting you two to show  
up.

Utena [blushing, a bit ashamed]: Sorry.

Akio: Oh, don't be like that, Miss Tenjou. You're always welcome  
here. [checks his watch] Be that as it may though, I'm sure you two  
have classes fairly soon, and for my part I know I have some words to  
have with the Acting President. So, if you'll excuse me...

Voice: Mr. Chairman!

[Akio looks up to see who it is. It is Keiko; she holds a copy  
of Nanami's "new charter" in her hand.]

Utena: Oh, God, no...

Anthy: Oh, hello, Keiko!

Akio [irritated]: How did you get up here? Do you have an  
appointment?

Keiko: No, Mr. Chairman.

Akio: Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I was just leaving  
the office. I'm going to have to speak to the secretary about this.  
She's being altogether too lax in her duties.

Anthy [all smiles]: I'm sure it wasn't her fault, oniisama.

Keiko [as officially as possible]: I came here on the orders of the  
Acting President of the Student Council. She would have come herself  
but she is very busy this afternoon overseeing the school  
redecoration effort...

Anthy: That's a shame. I always have so much fun with Nanami...

Keiko [misunderstanding]: Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't come  
here to play!

Akio: It just so happens I'm on my way to see her to order her to put  
an end to the absurdity she's been subjecting the school to. [rises,  
makes as if to go] Now, if you'll excuse me, miss...

Keiko: Keiko Sonoda, sir. It's very important sir. I was ordered to  
give you something of great value...

Akio [perking up]: Ah. Good. This is evidence she hasn't taken  
complete leave of her senses. So is she paying in cash or by check?

Keiko: Unfortunately, it's not payment for the car. [Akio droops  
visibly. Keiko makes as if to hand Akio the charter.] These are  
proposed amendments to the school charter that the Student Council  
have approved at the President's urging, and have forwarded to you  
for your approval before bringing them to the Board of Trustees. I  
was asked to relay your decision to her, but as you're going to see  
her I suggest that you look at them before you go...

Akio [capitulating]: Do I have a choice?

[He takes the charter off Keiko, sits down again, puts on some  
reading glasses, and reads silently for a few moments.]

Utena [sotto voce, to Anthy]: Wow. Glasses make a body look so  
intelligent, huh, Anthy?

[Anthy is just now cleaning her own glasses.]

Anthy: Yes, I suppose they do.

Akio [finally]: Please sit down, miss Sonoda. [Keiko sits down  
between Utena and Anthy, who make room.] This is the Acting  
President's work?

Keiko: Yes, sir. For the most part. We at l'Office de la langue  
fran�aise made some suggestions...

Akio [a bit too cheerfully]: Well, then! Let's go through these one  
by one and we'll see what _you_ think of them, shall we? All right.  
First, the Houou campus is declared to have a, quote, "distinct  
cultural heritage."

Keiko: Yes, sir.

Akio [incredulous]: Distinct from what? That of our Amsterdam campus?

Keiko: Well...

Akio [ironically]: And does that perhaps possess an indistinct  
cultural heritage?

Keiko [irritated]: I don't think it's fair to twist our words, sir.

Akio [not at all sorry]: Well, if you'll excuse my unfairness in the  
face of absurdity, let's go on. What else? It seems the Student  
Council wants to allow the Houou campus to opt out of programs,  
including but not limited to courses on the curriculum, with  
financial compensation.

Keiko: Yes, sir.

Akio: Let me see if I have this straight. I'm supposed to just roll  
over and let the Acting President remove history from the curriculum  
and sack the social science faculty to pay for her redecorations?

Keiko [nods; begins to lecture]: Yes. Being closer to the people the  
Student Council will know better than those in the far away Board of  
Trustees who don't understand their true needs just how to dispense  
school funds. Better the funds be used to preserve the culture, in my  
own opinion, than to indoctrinate students with material they'll  
never need, like economics--

Akio [cutting her off]: And on top of this the Student Council wants  
a veto on future amendments to the school charter. To prevent action  
being taken against any future mad schemes of hers, I take it?

Keiko [waving her hand dismissively]: Yes, yes, yes, but that's just  
a failsafe. The next amendment is designed to reduce the chance of  
that ever happening.

Akio: Oh, yes, I'd forgotten. The Student Council also wants the  
right to appoint three members of the nine-member Board of Trustees.  
May I ask who you had in mind?

[On cue the three stooges pop up from behind the Utena-Keiko-Anthy  
couch.]

Suzuki: o/` Poutine...

Yamada: o/` Poutine...

Tanaka: o/` Poutine...

Utena: [looking up at them, disgusted] I should've known.

Akio: Miss Sonoda, these fellows haven't even graduated yet! And you  
want them on the Board of Trustees?

Keiko [turning up her nose]: Details, details.

Akio: And last, but not least. Oh, this is priceless. The Student  
Council at the Houou campus wants exclusive control over enrollments?

Keiko [nodding emphatically]: Why yes! And more importantly,  
exclusive control over dismissals. You must understand, Mr. Chairman,  
there are far too many weirdos currently applying to and attending  
this school.

Akio [raising an eyebrow]: Is that so?

Keiko: Yes, sir! [begins to lecture again] We have a duty to not only  
block further enrollments by weirdos but also purge the weirdos that  
have gotten in and are simply being passed along to each successive  
grade. The Student Council can be depended upon to be able to  
identify and remove weirdos much more quickly and effectively than  
the Board of Trustees...

Utena [angrily]: So basically Nanami wants the right to boot me and  
Anthy out of school?

Keiko: So far as that goes, yes.

[Cue Fleur-de-Lis-Vision. Cut to l'Office de la langue fran�aise--  
that is, the old kendo club, where Akio is standing at Nanami's new  
desk. Nanami looks up at him.]

Akio: Well, if that's how it is, how can the Board and I be opposed?  
The new amendments have been approved unanimously! Vive le Phoenix  
libre!

[Nanami jumps out of her chair; a big banner reading F�LICITATIONS  
has appeared behind her.]

Nanami: Hourra!

[Cue the "This Girl's Tragedy" melodramatic Nanami theme, except this  
time Utena and Anthy fall away in a dead faint in a sea of lily  
petals.]

Utena and Anthy [in unison]: Ohhhhhh...

Nanami [towering over them and pointing to them dramatically]:  
OHOHOHOHO! The game is really up this time, Anth�e Himemiya and Utena  
Tenjou! Adieu, et bon d�barras!

[The three stooges boot Anthy and Utena into orbit.]

Voice: Nanami!

[Nanami looks behind her to see...]

Touga: Nanami. For too long my heart was bewitched and decieved by  
those weirdos. Now I realize you're the only one for me.

Nanami [hugging him tightly, in a haze of lily petals; in Japanese]:  
ONIISAMA!

[Close up on Nanami.]

Nanami: That's what will happen! I call it Operation Eek!-Anth�e-  
Himemiya-And-Utena-Tenjou-Are-Weirdos-Who've-Been-Messing-Up-  
Oniisama's-Head!

[Touga's Room of Moping. Nanami is sitting beside Toga, to whom she  
has presumably been describing her plans. The Quebecois folk music  
record is still playing in the background.]

Nanami: Don't worry, oniisama! I'll save you from those two's  
machinations yet! Then we can eat all the poutine you like!

[Touga's cell phone rings. Nanami pulls it out of his pocket and  
answers it.]

Nanami: All�?

Male Voice: Is Touga Kiryuu there?

Nanami: If you're a girl, he dumped you. He's not talking to anyone.

Male Voice: I am not a girl! Put on Touga Kiryuu!

Nanami: If I must.

[She gives the phone to Touga; much to her surprise, he accepts it.]

Touga: Yes?

Male Voice: The Chairman here. Student Council President, do you have  
any idea what your sister is up to? Will you say something to her?

Touga: Certainly. Hello, Nanami. [hangs up]

Nanami [overjoyed]: Oniisama! You talked!

Touga: ...

[Cut back to Akio's office. Akio is staring at his cell phone.]

Akio: Fat lot of help he is. [hangs up, puts the phone down] This has  
gone far enough. If Nanami Kiryuu thinks she'll abuse her authority  
to settle her petty grudges with my sister she's got another thing  
coming...

Keiko: Wait! Wait! She's not responsible for that passage!

Akio: She isn't?

Keiko: I'm the author! You see, it wasn't specifically intended for  
Anth�e Himemiya!

[Cue Fleur-de-Lis-Vision.]

Akio [rising]: Well, if that's how it is, how can the Board and I be  
opposed? The new amendments have been approved unanimously! Vive le  
Phoenix libre!

[Keiko jumps out of her seat; a big banner reading F�LICITATIONS has  
appeared behind her.]

Keiko: Hourra!

[Cut to la Chambre du Conseil des �leves/Student Council Chamber.]

Julie: With that in mind, I propose that Nanami Kiryuu be relieved of  
her post and that Nanami Kiryuu, Utena Tenjou and Anthy Himemiya be  
summarily expelled.

Miki: Second. All in favor say "oui."

Miki, Julie, Saionji: Oui.

Nanami: Non!

Miki: The motion is carried.

[Cue the "This Girl's Tragedy" melodramatic Nanami theme, except this  
time Utena, Anthy _and_ Nanami fall away in a dead faint in a sea of  
lily petals.]

Utena, Anthy and Nanami [in unison]: Ohhhhhh...

Keiko [towering over them and pointing to them dramatically]:  
OHOHOHOHO! The game is up this time, Anth�e Himemiya, Utena Tenjou  
and Nanami Kiryuu! Adieu, et bon d�barras!

[The three stooges boot Anthy, Utena and Nanami into orbit.]

Voice: Keiko!

[Keiko looks behind her to see...]

Touga: Keiko. For too long my heart was bewitched and deceived by  
those weirdos. Now I realize you're the only one for me.

Keiko [hugging him tightly, in a haze of lily petals]: TOUGA!

[Close up on Keiko.]

Keiko: That's bound to be what will happen! I call it Operation Eek!-  
Anth�e-Himemiya-And-Utena-Tenjou-Are-Weirdos-Who've-Been-Messing-Up-  
Kiryuu-Touga's-Head-And-That-Goes-Double-For-His-Sicko-Sister!  
[covering mouth and laughing � la Nanami] OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

[A long moment of silence.]

Utena: O_O;;;;;

Anthy: *^_^*

Akio [rising from his seat, towering over Keiko]: Absurd!

Keiko [a bit concerned]: I take it you don't approve?

Akio [muttering to himself]: For the first time in my life I think  
I'm losing my temper... [aloud] I don't know what's harder to  
believe, Kiryuu's trying to do all this or her thinking that I'll let  
her do all this.

Keiko: Is that a yes or a no?

Akio: NO!

Keiko: Sorry.

[Akio is now a distinct shade of crimson.]

Akio [with a great effort at self-control]: Now listen, Miss Sonoda,  
this is what I'm going to tell Kiryuu and all her friends, so you may  
as well hear. Either all those damned French signs come down, all  
those squatters get out of the kendo facility and Nemuro Hall, and my  
car gets paid for by noon tomorrow, or I will personally ensure that  
everybody involved in this farce is expelled. Understand?

Keiko [impassive]: Yes.

Akio: Now get out of my sight. I have a headache. You can tell Kiryuu  
I'll be there soon. [sits down; sighs] Someone remind me again why I  
do this...

Anthy [reaching across to pat his shoulder]: There, there, oniisama.  
It's okay.

Keiko: Well. I see I have no choice. [looks at the three stooges;  
indicates Akio] Anglais!

Suzuki: o/` Anglais...

Yamada: o/` Anglais...

Tanaka: o/` Anglais...

[They close in on Akio.]

Akio [realizing what's up]: What? You think you can overpower me, do  
you?

Keiko: No.

[Suddenly seemingly from nowhere appear dozens of brainwashed faculty  
and students--le Peuple phoenixien--filling the room.]

Le Peuple [in unison]: o/` Anglais!

Keiko: But they can.

Akio [panicking]: WITCH! Accursed witch!

Keiko: Insults will get you nowhere, Mr. Chairman.

Anthy [beaming a bit too broadly]: Don't worry, oniisama. You'll be  
okay.

[Le Peuple dive on top of Akio all at once, burying him and  
concealing him from further view.]

Utena [dramatic anger]: BASTARDS!

[Cue Anime Dramatic Slow-Motion (preferably in black and white).  
Utena tries to break through to Akio, but to no avail; there's just  
too many of them. Anthy continues to sit on her couch smiling to  
herself.]

Utena: Akio!

[Le Peuple toss Utena aside; she lands in a heap some distance away  
from the scrimmage.]

Utena [desperately]: AKIO!

[Finally le Peuple produce what is presumably Akio, wrapped up in a  
Quebec flag like a mummy, and carry him over their heads towards the  
elevator, in which they somehow all manage to fit. Utena can only  
watch helplessly as the elevator door closes behind them.]

Utena [heartbroken, in tears]: Akio...

Anthy [from her couch, smiling and waving]: Oniisama, bye bye!

[Chu-Chu waves goodbye as well, when he's not pulling the be-da :P  
face.]

[Pan out to a panoramic view of the office. The place is a shambles.  
Akio's couch is in tatters, daubed with blue and white paint, and  
slowly burning. (Anthy's couch is untouched.) The china tea set is  
mostly shattered. The planetarium is covered with spraypainted  
fleurs-de-lis and graffiti like VIVE LE PHOENIX LIBRE, LE PHOENIX AUX  
PHOENIXIENS and LE PHOENIX MON �COLE, OHTORI MON CUL.]

[Somewhere a pane of glass is heard to break.]

[Utena pulls herself up from where she fell, and staggers over to  
Anthy.]

Utena [softly]: All right. That's it. If I'm the only one who can  
stop Nanami, I'm the only one who can stop Nanami. Anthy...[whispers  
in her ear]

Anthy [puzzled]: Now? Here? Is that necessary?

Utena: Humor me, all right?

[Close up of Keiko, who is no longer paying attention to them.]

Keiko [triumphantly]: Long live a sovereign Phoenix, and quickly!  
OHOHOHOHO!

Utena [off; singsong]: ...to revolutionize the world.

[Suddenly a sword is at Keiko's throat.]

Utena [yes, it's _that_ sword]: Take me to your leader. _NOW._

Keiko: Eep.

Utena [grinning nastily]: What, don't understand? Anthy?

Anthy [adjusting her uniform]: Try "emm�ne-toi � ton chef, vite."

Utena: �k, thanks. [to Keiko] Emm�ne-toi � ton chef.

Keiko: Um...

Utena: _VITE!_

Keiko [frightened silly]: D'accord.

[Keiko is marched off at sword-point into the elevator. The doors  
close. Fade to black. Fade in to a shot of the school incinerator.  
Miki creeps furtively into sight, an envelope clutched in his hand.  
He looks from side to side, then quickly opens the lid of the  
incinerator with his free hand and raises the envelope to drop it  
in.]

Miki [thought]: I know this is going to come back to haunt me later  
on.

[Suddenly, a hand closes over his wrist, preventing him from dropping  
the envelope.]

Miki: Eek!

[Pan back to reveal the hand belongs to Julie.]

Julie: Miki... I'm surprised at you. [she hangs her head,  
profoundly disappointed.]

Miki: Well, Miss Julie, you see... I can explain...

Julie [sadly]: Let me guess. You, like me, received a letter from  
Ends of the World. "Stop Nanami at all costs!" it said. But, after  
seeing what happened to Saionji, you were afraid to defy Nanami.

Miki [hanging his head, deeply ashamed]: Yes, Miss Julie. That's  
exactly it.

Julie [even more sadly]: Miki, I'm surprised at this.

Miki [whispered]: I'm not so strong as some people think... this  
duel Ends of the World wishes me to fight, the duel called  
"R�f�rendum"... I don't want to do it! [clenching his fists, eyes  
misting with tears] You're right to be upset with me, Miss Julie.

Julie [very sadly indeed]: I thought you'd at least ask me to do it  
with you. After all, we're friends.

Miki [blinking]: You mean... you don't want to fight the duel called  
"R�f�rendum" either, Miss Julie?

Julie [shocked at the notion]: Oh, good God, no, do you think I'm  
mad? I saw what happened to Saionji.

[Close-up of Miki's face, sparkly eyes.]

Miki: Miss Julie...

[Close-up of Juri's face, slight smile.]

Julie: Miki...

[Cut to the two of them clasping their free hands and holding their  
envelopes over the open incinerator.]

Miki: Let's do it together!

[Julie nods. They simultaneously drop their envelopes into their  
incinerator, which dramatically sends up a puff of smoke.]

Miki [solemnly]: It is finished.

Julie [even more solemnly]: Yes. [beat] Now, let us celebrate with  
milk and cookies.

[Miki and Julie walk off with jaunty grins on their faces. Julie  
throws her arm affectionately around Miki's shoulders. After a  
moment, Utena's voice is heard off-screen.]

Utena [OS]: Vite! _Vite_!

Keiko [terrified, also OS]: Oui! Oui!

[Miki and Julie pause, as Utena walks by, following Keiko and making  
near-jabs at her with the Sword of Dios. Anthy trails in their wake,  
smiling cheerfully, with Chu-Chu riding on her shoulder.]

Miki: Miss Tenjou...

[Utena looks up and waves. A manic grin is plastered across her  
face.]

Utena: Hi, Miki; hi, Julie. Off to stop Nanami's mad scheme before  
it destroys us all. Catch ya later.

[Anthy waves and smiles as they walk on.]

Julie [shocked]: To use the Sword of Dios in such a way... to draw it  
outside of the Dueling Arena...

Miki: Miss Julie... do you think Miss Tenjou is going to face the  
duel called "R�f�rendum"?

Julie: I do. [beat] Let's go watch.

[They hurry off after Utena and the others. Fade out. Fade into  
Mikage's office at Nemuro Hall. It has been taken over by Nanami,  
and redecorated in the pervasive blue-and-white theme. The door is  
currently closed. Nanami is behind the desk, looking bored. Mikage  
is standing before her, a piece of paper clenched in his hand, in  
mid-speech.]

Mikage: ...and so, if Nemuro Memorial Hall is not immediately  
returned to my usage for the purposes of running my seminars, the  
Mikage Seminar will have no choice but to enter into separation  
proceedings from Ohtori Academy, for the purposes of regaining the  
independence it has traditionally had.

Nanami: Don't be ridiculous, Monsieur Mikage. You can't separate  
from l'�cole Phoenix. Your seminars are a vital part of it.

Mikage [losing his cool]: I want my damn office back, you harridan!

Nanami [perking up]: Say, have you gone through rehabilitation yet?

Mikage [nervously]: Well, no... you're just trying to distract me,  
damn it! The Mikage Seminar has a cultural heritage entirely  
distinct from Ohtori Academy--

Nanami: That's l'�cole Phoenix.

Mikage: --one which you're threatening to destroy permanently! I'll  
have no choice but to take my concerns to the Board of Directors if  
you refuse to hear them!

Nanami: Now, Monsieur Mikage, what you fail to see is--

[A knock is heard at the door. Nanami looks up.]

Nanami: I'm in the middle of--

Keiko [terrified, from the other side of the door]: Mlle. Nanami, I  
think Utena Tenjou would _really_ like to see you...

Mikage [starting]: Tenjou! [looks frantically around for a place to  
hide, then sighs and hurls himself through the window in a spray of  
glass.]

Nanami [blinking]: Finished now. Come in.

[The door opens. Keiko enters, followed by Utena (still with the  
sword). Anthy, Miki and Julie gather in the doorway.]

Nanami: Keiko! What's going on?

[Keiko hurls herself at Nanami's feet, prostrating herself  
pathetically, tears in her eyes.]

Keiko: Oh, Mlle Nanami, it was just terrible... but you'll  
make her pay, won't you? [glaring back at Utena] Now you'll be  
sorry!

Utena: Right, Nanami, Duel Arena, now.

Nanami [smirking]: So... _you_ are the one foretold.

Utena: Huh?

Nanami: The time has come for... R�f�rendum!

Utena: Huh?

[Miki whispers something into Utena's ear.]

Utena: What? [Miki whispers again] No, I had no idea, I was just  
angry about what happened to... I mean, of course, yes, R�f�rendum,  
that was my intention all along. [laughs nervously]

Nanami [smirking]: At last you see reason, Mlle. Tenjou.

Utena [prosaic]: Lost my train of thought. Yeah. [dramatic] Here are  
my terms. I win, this French crap ends right now and the chairman  
goes free. OK?

[Pause.]

Nanami: D'accord. [smiles more obviously] But you may find me more  
difficult to beat this time...OHOHOHOHOHO!

[Cut to Utena approaching the gates of the Dueling Arena. ZUM (C�line  
Dion Remix) plays as the standard ascension sequence occurs... up  
until she reaches the Dueling Arena, where the red rose design on the  
floor has been replaced by a white fleur-de-lis. Instead of the  
Castle of Illusion hanging upside-down in the sky, there is a rather  
shoddy-looking stadium. Nanami, Tsuwabuki (in his Lily Bride costume)  
and Anthy are already there.]

Utena: Huh?

Nanami: Ohohohoho! The Duel Arena seems to have automatically created  
an appropriate setting for the duel called "R�f�rendum"! [points at  
Utena with her sword, whose guards make it look like an elongated  
fleur-de-lys.] Prepare yourself, Utena Tenjou, for "R�f�rendum"!

[Utena looks at Tsuwabuki.]

Utena: Tsuwabuki... why are you dressed like that?

Tsuwabuki: Je suis le Mari� du lis!

Nanami [correcting him]: _La_ Mari�e du lis.

Tsuwabuki [capitulating]: Tr�s bien, Mlle. Nanami.

[Anthy kneels down to look Tsuwabuki in the eye, ruffles his hair.]

Anthy: Lily Groom or Lily Bride, he's very cute, don't you think?

Tsuwabuki [blushing]: C'est vrai? [laughs, hand behind head]

Anthy: Yes, it's true.

Utena [raising an eyebrow]: What, Nanami, shouldn't you be drawing a  
sword from him, then?

Nanami: Oh, don't be silly. Tsuwabuki's sword would be far too small  
for my needs.

[Tsuwabuki grumbles something.]

Nanami: What was that, Tsuwabuki?

Tsuwabuki [sourly]: Je n'ai dit rien.

Nanami: C�est vrai? Well, it didn�t sound like you didn't say  
anything to me.

[Utena sighs, shakes her head, and turns to Anthy.]

Utena: Right. Let's get this over with... hey, why is Chu-Chu here?

[Chu-Chu, indeed, is perched on Anthy's shoulder.]

Anthy: He wanted to come.

Chu-Chu: Chu!

[Anthy walks sedately over to Nanami and puts a white lily in her  
breast pocket, then returns to Utena and puts the standard white rose  
in hers.]

Anthy: Rose of the noble castle...

[Etc, etc...]

Utena: ...the power to bring Referendum to the world! [beat] No,  
wait, that�s not how it---

Nanami: En garde!

[The Duel Music (J.A. Seazer's arrangement of "Alouette, gentille  
Alouette") begins to play]

o/`: Alouette, gentille Alouette!

[Nanami rushes Utena, who stands her ground. Their swords meet with a  
ringing clash, and Utena shoves Nanami back.]

o/`: Alouette, je te plumerai!

[Utena goes on the attack; Nanami parries skillfully. They dance in  
circles, thrusting and slashing.]

o/`: Je te plumerai la t�te!

[Cut to Miki and Julie on the observation tower, watching the distant  
battle through lorgnettes.]

o/`: Je te plumerai la t�te!

Miki: I don't understand... what is that stadium doing there?

Julie [lecturing tone]: I believe it to be the Montreal Olympic  
Stadium, a building renowned for its structural instability.

Miki: Yes, I recognize it. Nanami spoke of it often enough. But why  
that and not the castle we usually see?

Julie: It is appropriate for a duel such as this one. The stadium is  
the ultimate symbolic expression of French Canadian delusions of  
grandeur.

Miki [completely serious]: Yes. So it is.

o/`: Et la t�te!

[Cut back to Nanami and Utena, swords locked at the hilts, arms  
straining.]

o/`: Et la t�te!

Nanami: I won't lose! I won't let you destroy my people's culture!

Utena: I won't let you turn this school into some kind of weird  
French brainwashing facility!

o/`: Alouette! Alouette!

[A cracking sound is heard. Chunks of the Phantom Stadium begin to  
fall upon the arena; one nearly crushes Nanami and Utena, breaking  
their deadlock as they part to avoid it.]

o/`: Alouette, gentille Alouette!

Utena: What the _hell_?

Nanami: Don't take your eye off me!

[Nanami snarls and lunges. Utena barely parries, and is driven back.  
They begin exchanging blows and parries again.]

o/`: Alouette, je te plumerai!

[Chunks of the Phantom Stadium are still falling, concentrated around  
the two duelists. Tsuwabuki is nearly crushed by one; he eeps, and  
runs to cower at Anthy's feet, as she's occupying what appears to be  
the only clear area.]

o/`: Je te plumerai le bec!

Anthy [smiling gently down at him]: Don't worry, Tsuwabuki.

Tsuwabuki [frightened, near tears]: All I wanted was to be Miss  
Nanami's big brother... I didn't want all this fighting... and  
people getting hurt...

[Nanami lands a particularly hard blow on Utena's blade, knocking her  
to her knees. Utena rolls to the side as Nanami's sword cuts down at  
her, missing her by a hair.]

o/`: Je te plumerai le bec!

[Tsuwabuki is now sobbing into Anthy's skirts.]

o/`: Et la t�te!

Tsuwabuki: It's all so terrible! I can't stand it!

o/`: Et la t�te!

[Anthy looks down at him, and her face softens. She kneels down and  
gently strokes his hair.]

o/`: Et le bec!

Anthy: Don't worry. It will all be over soon.

[Utena comes to her feet and throws herself forward at Nanami in the  
Dios-Lunge.]

o/`: Et le bec!

[A chunk of the stadium falls between them, forcing Utena to pull to  
a halt. She stumbles, trips over the rubble, and falls on her back.]

o/`: Alouette!

[Nanami looms over Utena, raising her sword high.]

o/`: Alouette!

Nanami: Pour la souverainet�-association du monde!

[Chu-Chu suddenly appears on her shoulder, munching on something  
white.]

o/`: AL-OU-ETTE!!!

[Nanami looks down to see that he's chewed off the top of her lily at  
some point in the battle. Cue "This Girl's Tragedy."]

Nanami [swooning]: Ohhhhh...!

[She collapses, apparently passed out. Chu-Chu jumps off at the last  
minute.]

Utena: Hey, thanks.

Chu-Chu [proudly]: Chu!

[End "This Girl's Tragedy."]

Tsuwabuki: Mlle. Nanami!

[He skips over bits of rubble to his mistress. Nanami appears to come  
to, smiles at him endearingly, and reaches out to stroke his hair.  
The girls love his hair.]

Nanami: Tsuwabuki...

Tsuwabuki: Mlle. Nanami! �a ne peut pas le fin, n'est-ce pas? [sobs]

Anthy [impassive]: "It can't be the end?" I'm sorry, but it must and  
it is.

Utena [not at all sympathetic]: Thank God.

Nanami [almost a whisper]: If I understand you correctly, mon petit,  
you are saying, "A la prochaine..."

[She faints again. The rubble and the Stadium mysteriously vanish.]

Tsuwabuki: MLLE. NANAMI!

[Up in the bleachers, Julie and Miki are clearly moved. Julie weeps  
visibly; Miki passes her some Kleenex.]

[Anthy appears to take pity, because she draws near to Tsuwabuki. She  
kneels next to him again. Cue "The Sunlit Garden," variation  
unimportant.]

Anthy: There, there. She'll be all right.

Tsuwabuki [in tears]: And what if she's not?

[Anthy thinks for a moment.]

Anthy [finally]: You can be my big brother instead. My usual one's  
out of commission at the moment.

Utena: HEY!

Tsuwabuki [overjoyed]: Really?

Anthy: Really.

[She kisses him on the forehead, something Nanami sure never did.  
Tsuwabuki nosebleeds and passes out.]

Utena [disgusted]: Slut.

Anthy [all smiles]: When he wakes up he will remember nothing of  
being the Lily Bride. The measure was necessary for his sake and  
those of others. In any case, "judge not, etc."

Utena [Narrow Eye look]: I meant him, not you.

Anthy: Well...you have a point...

[Cut to view of dueling arena from bleachers.]

Miki: I think it's cute that Himemiya would do something like that.

Julie: I don't know, the mood was completely ruined for me.

Miki: Really? Why?

Julie [this explains everything]: Boys have cooties. Didn't you know?

[Fade out.]

[Camera up on Miki, Julie and Saionji in the nurse's office,  
apparently at someone's bedside. Cut to Nanami waking up.]

Nanami: O� suis-je?

Julie: Where are you? In the nurse's office. We brought you here  
after the duel. Though I suppose you wouldn't remember...

[Camera on Tsuwabuki, passed out in the next bed.]

Miki: Miss Julie? Are you sure that was a legal victory? I mean,  
Utena Tenjou didn't exactly remove the lily herself...

[Camera back to Nanami's bed.]

Julie: The lily was removed. That's all that matters. [beat] You  
realize it wouldn't be the first dirty trick that the Rose Bride...

[Nanami begins to sob.]

Miki: Um...did we say something wrong?

Nanami [through her tears]: Incroyable! All my plans ruined...by the  
monkey and the ethnic girl!

Voice: Get over it!

[Enter Utena--for it is she--and Anthy, who holds a lunch box.]

Anthy: Hello, Nanami. How are you feeling?

Nanami: Fous le camp!

Miki [looking that idiom up, clearly shocked]: Nanami, bite your  
tongue!

Julie [ironically]: No hard feelings, I see.

Utena: You're conscious. Kick ass. All righty, up and at �em,  
girlfriend, you've got a lot of signs and fleur-de-whatsits to take  
down.

Nanami: And what if I don't want to?

Miki: A promise is a promise, Nanami. Also, Utena tells me you'll get  
expelled if you refuse.

Saionji: Besides, if you don't do it, someone will. Your friends are  
hard at work undoing the aesthetic and linguistic damage they've done  
to the school as we speak.

Nanami: Ah.

Saionji: And clearing out of the kendo facility and Nemuro Hall.

Nanami: Oui.

Julie: And then there's that bill for the Chairman's car...

Nanami: D'accord, d'accord! I get the picture! [turns her nose up in  
disgust]

Utena [whispered, to Anthy]: Do the honors.

Anthy [whispered, to Utena]: Yes, Miss Utena. [aloud, to Nanami] If  
you're about to do that, Nanami, I'd made some poutine as a sort of  
peace offering, so you can have lunch before you start work. [offers  
Nanami the lunch box and a fork] But if you don't want it...

[Pause.]

Nanami: Hm. Well, I am a little hungry.

[She takes the lunch box, opens it up and prepares to dig in.]

[Cut to the window just outside the clinic.]

[*BOOM*]

[Cut to Touga's Room of Moping. The Quebecois folk music record is  
still playing in the background.]

[Touga, after a moment of apparent consideration, gets up and walks  
over to the gramophone.]

[He digs through the LP's, apparently searching for another record.]

[He apparently finds what he is looking for, because he pulls out a  
record and then what is apparently the folk music record's sleeve.]

[He takes the needle off the folk music record, takes it off the  
gramophone, replaces it in its sleeve, replaces the sleeve in its  
place with the other LP's, takes the new record out of its sleeve,  
places the record on the gramophone, puts the sleeve back in its  
place, puts the needle on the record, and walks back to his seat.]

[It turns out to be Dvorak's "Largo" once again.]

Touga: Life will be dull again for a while, I suppose.

[Cut to the gates of Ohtori Academy. The �COLE PHOENIX sign is gone,  
as are the fleurs-de-lis.]

[Cut to the kendo facility, where young Japanese men are once again  
training in the noble art of swordplay.]

[Cut to a random corridor, revealing signs restored to their  
unilingual Japanese glory. The rose motif has also been restored.]

Tatsuya [OS]: So the Acting Student Council President is back to  
normal?

Wakaba [OS; disappointed]: Yeah, I guess. It was fun while it lasted.

[Cut to a random classroom window. Utena, Anthy, Wakaba and Tatsuya  
are staring outside between class periods.]

Utena [Narrow Eyes]: That all depends on your definition of fun.

Wakaba: So, like, did your brother get his car fixed?

Anthy: Well, it was fixed, just not paid for. After helping take down  
all those signs the other day Nanami must have stayed home  
complaining of fatigue, because oniisama tells me it wasn't her but  
her father who came by with the check. He hadn't seen Mr. Kiryuu that  
upset in quite a while, he said.

Utena: How's Tsuwabuki?

Wakaba: Yeah, didn't he get caught in a fight between you and Nanami,  
Utena?

Anthy: Oh, much better. By way of apology for embarrassing the poor  
dear--

Wakaba: How?

Anthy: Well, I'd rather not say. It's embarrassing. [smiles]

Wakaba: �k.

Utena: So what did you do?

Anthy: What else but cook him some lunch?

Utena [big eyes]: What?

Anthy: Is that all right?

Utena: _What_ did you cook him for lunch?

Anthy: I had a recipe for Cuban red beans and rice I wanted to try  
out, so I let him have some. He liked it so much he asked for some  
more to give to Nanami. [beat] Did I do something wrong?

[Utena runs from the room. Wakaba just sweatdrops.]

Tatsuya [not making the connection]: What's with her?

[A lawn. Saionji, Miki and Julie are taking a walk together in a rare  
moment that doesn't involve Student Council business or sarcastic  
comments at Saionji's expense.]

Saionji [stretching]: Thank God all that's over.

Miki: I always preferred the school the way it was.

Julie: I'm still not returning that foil, though.

[Utena is suddenly in front of them.]

Miki: Oh, hello, Miss Tenjou. What's the matter?

Utena: Houston, we have a problem.

[Cut to Akio and Kanae Ohtori taking a drive on a country road near  
Houou. Villa Kiryuu can be seen off in the distance.]

Kanae: Well, this is sudden. You never take me for drives any more.

Akio: The wind blows from both the east and the west, my dear.

[They both laugh softly.]

Kanae: You're mysterious as always. That's why I...

[There is an explosion from Villa Kiryuu clearly visible and audible  
from the road.]

Akio: [quietly] Oh shit. [He pulls out his cell phone, presses  
speed-dial and waits a few moments. Finally, moderately] Why do you  
continue to...

Voice: You are entitled to your playthings. I'm entitled to mine.  
[hangs up]

[Akio stares at the phone, clearly not amused.]

Kanae: What was that all about?

[Cut back to the Ohtori Academy classroom.]

Anthy: [putting _her_ cell phone away; to Wakaba, all smiles] Nothing  
I can't handle.

Wakaba: ...

[Cut to close up of Utena.]

Utena: Oh God. We're too late.

[Utena, Saionji, Miki and Julie run up the Villa Kiryuu garden path.]

[Cut to Touga's Room of Moping. Dvorak's "Largo" is still playing in  
the background.]

[Touga, after a moment of apparent consideration, gets up and walks  
over to the gramophone.]

[He digs through the LP's, apparently searching for another record.]

[He apparently finds what he is looking for, because he pulls out a  
record and then what is apparently the folk music record's sleeve.]

[He takes the needle off the �Largo� record, takes it off the  
gramophone, replaces it in its sleeve, replaces the sleeve in its  
place with the other LP's, takes the new record out of its sleeve,  
places the record on the gramophone, puts the sleeve back in its  
place, puts the needle on the record, and walks back to his seat.]

[It turns out to be a record of Cuban revolutionary anthems. Touga  
listens for a few moments.]

Touga: [finally] Where did father get _that_ record, I wonder?

[Team Utena make it to the Villa Kiryuu front door. In the smoke we  
can just make out the door opening.]

[They stand there, nervously expectant, then let their jaws drop as  
they see what has emerged.]

Saionji: Oh no. [yelling inside] TOUGA! I know you can hear me! Do  
something!

Miki [clinging to Julie]: Miss Julie, make it go away!

Julie [as terrified as he is]: Oh, very good! How?

Utena: Anthy... why?

[Cut to the door, where the smoke has cleared enough to let us see  
just what has emerged. It is Nanami, her hair color restored, but her  
Student Council uniform abandoned for what appear to be Che Guevara  
guerrilla fatigues, complete with beret emblazoned with a red star.  
She is wearing war paint under her eyes and brandishing an apparently  
genuine Kalashnikov machine gun for good measure.]

Nanami [at the top of her lungs]: Viva la Revoluci�n!

[Fade out. Loud cries of pained distress. End.]

Epilogue:

[Utena, Nanami and Anthy are standing in their Duelist/Rose Bride  
outfits--those being their best--at microphones in what appears to be  
the Shadow Girl Theater. A Canadian flag has been hastily unfurled  
onstage behind them. An apparently recorded yet extremely stirring  
rendition of "O Canada" begins to play in the background.]

Utena: So, why do we gotta sing this anyway? We're not Canadian!

Nanami: It's in lieu of the ending credit song. I thought it would be  
nice.

Utena [checking script]: It is?

Anthy: ...two, three, four...

[They begin to sing, Utena and Nanami rather badly, Anthy like an  
angel:]

Utena: o/` O Canada! Our home and native land!  
Nanami: o/` O Canada, terre de nos a�eux,  
Anthy [translating for Nanami]: o/` O Canada, our own forefathers'  
land,

Utena: o/` True patriot love in all thy sons command  
Nanami: o/` Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!  
Anthy: o/` Wreaths of glory's flowers upon thy brow've been laid!

Utena: o/` With glowing hearts we see thee rise,  
Nanami: o/` Car ton bras sait porter l'�p�e,  
Anthy: o/` For thine arm hath well borne the sword,

Utena: o/` The True North strong and free!  
Nanami: o/` Il sait porter la croix!  
Anthy: o/` It hath well borne the cross!

Utena: o/` From far and wide, O Canada,  
Nanami: o/` Ton histoire est une �pop�e  
Anthy: o/` Thy history's an epic that

Utena: o/` We stand on guard for thee  
Nanami: o/` Des plus brilliants exploits  
Anthy: o/` Tells how thine exploits shone

Utena: o/` God keep our land, glorious and free!  
Nanami: o/` Et ta valeur, de foi tremp�e,  
Anthy: o/` And thy valor, steeped in thy faith,

Utena: o/` Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee  
Nanami: o/` Prot�gera nos foyers et nos droits  
Anthy: o/` Shall yet protect our homesteads and our rights

Utena: o/` Oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee  
Nanami: o/` Prot�gera nos foyers et nos droits  
Anthy: o/` Shall yet protect our homesteads and our rights

[The recording comes to a stirring climax.]

Utena [finally]: Those words are, like, _nothing_ alike.

Nanami: Well, the French ones are the originals, so there!

Anthy: As I said, it's a matter of tradition.

**FIN**

-AUTHOR'S NOTES-

-PAUL-

Here is a snippet from an early draft of Alan Harnum's Utena fanfic  
"Jaquemart":

> "You were the _only_ one who ever pronounced my name right."  
>Mme. Lamer apparently thought this was a cardinal virtue. "Not  
>'lamer', but 'la mare': 'the sea'."

Alan does not speak or read French to any great degree. I, on the other  
hand, have just enough to be confused by what he'd written. He had meant "la  
mare" to be pronounced as in English ("lah mayre"); but I read it as in  
French ("lah mahre"), which if it was intended to render French "la mer"  
would, I'm told, sound like Madame Lamer, the unpleasant "riding crop  
teacher," was pronouncing her name with a French Canadian accent.

I pointed that out to Alan. I thought it was fine, but I thought it  
rather funny coming from a professional pedant like Mme. Lamer. :) (It was  
changed in the final draft.)

I myself am American, but I also knew just enough about Canadian politics  
to have a vision of Utena as not been a (French) "Revolutionary Girl," but  
rather as a (Quebec separatist) "Sovereignty-Associationist Girl." So I  
dared Alan to write it, he being actually Canadian and thus having some  
business speaking on the topic. :)

When I proposed a preliminary plot, though, he suggested that I be the  
one to write it. After I changed the plot to more or less what we now have,  
though (making Utena into Nanami, for instance), he agreed to collaborate on  
this travesty. :)

So here we are.

I'm rather proud with what came out, not least because it's something of  
a first. US history and politics are referenced in fanfics all the time, but  
there's very little discussion of politics of other nations whose denizens  
lurk online, even when, suitably dressed up, they'd be excellent topics for  
satirical fanfics. As it is, even the parody SM fic series _Sailor Canuck_  
was reluctant to mine the satiric potential of Therese Lavoile, "Sailor  
Quebec," to any great degree. This may be for fear that "nobody outside my  
country would get it;" however, if it's not obviously funny, with all the  
names and labels removed, there's probably another side to the story. Satire  
should be reserved for the case where there is no other side--none that  
could be championed by somebody not in need of medication, anyway. :)  
Anything else is pure polemics.

Of course, anybody who wants to write a fic in response is free to do so  
in either English or French. :) (Offers of translation of this turkey into  
French are appreciated too.)

In any case, I still find it odd that an American had to come up with the  
idea for a satire of the Quebec question.

Let he who is intelligent pick all the references to Canadian politics  
and Quebec separatism, and to Quebec's language policies. I'll just repeat  
the old saw that "truth is stranger than fiction," and I was surprised how  
little I actually had to invent when no living satirist could have improved  
on (for instance) the Quebec commercial sign laws that stipulate the size of  
French and English text on signs inside and outside places of business. To  
the best of my knowledge, what I put in the fanfic is the correct official  
interpretation of the current sign law.

To the best of my knowledge, though, the Maurice Richard torture chamber  
is Alan Harnum's invention. :)

Oh yes--I've only been to Quebec once, when I was in high school, staying  
mostly in Quebec City. My one regret is never having been able to go  
back--IMHO Quebec City is the most beautiful city in North America. A Quebec  
flag has a place of honor on my desk at home.

-ALAN-

It was mostly Paul's fault. Really, it was. I'm just an accomplice.  
Even if my bad French (sadly bad, since I took seven years of it from  
late elementary to early high school--I blame the sorriest collection  
of French teachers ever assembled for this, especially the one who  
threw the chair at me, and the narcoleptic) planted the seed, he  
watered it.

I take responsibility for the J.A. Seazer version of "Alouette",  
however. If you're creative, it can be sung to Juri's first Duel  
Song, with the final "alouette" pronounced like the final "ammonite"  
of Saionji's second Duel Song.

Again, it was mostly Paul's fault. Really. Stop looking at me  
like that.


End file.
